FBI Arrest 200,000 Obsessed Fans Following Pantera Shooting

It was revealed on Friday that Nathan Gale, the man who shot and killed four people at an Ohio nightclub was an obsessed fan of the heavy metal band Pantera and it's guitarist "Dimebag'' Darrell Abbott. Friends of Gale described him as a "quiet person" who occasionally talked nonstop about Pantera in conversations with himself while often holding an imaginary dog. They had a nickname for Gale in his hometown of Marysville, OH. "Crazy Nate."

In an unpredicented show of force, outgoing Attorney General John Ashcroft on Friday ordered the arrest of other obsessed fans of 80's bands, including 700 Thompson Twin fans in Detroit, 350 Whitesnake fans near Provo, Utah, and 27 fans of the J. Geils Band, made famous by the song "Centerfold", in Atlanta.

By midnight, the arrests widened to include fans beyond the realm of music. Several people were arrested after leaving Best Buy stores in Cleveland following tips they'd purchased the televison show Saved By the Bell on dvd. Many dvd retailers are now discouraging shoppers from making other fanatical purchases, including Wal-Mart.

"It's pretty easy to avoid being arrested if you use common sense", said Justin Banks, an employee at an Austin, TX Wal-Mart. "There's no reason to own a Steven Seagal box set. Or the complete Wacky Races from Hanna Barbera. It should be illegal to buy the director's cut of Sharky's Machine. If you want to be safe, I recommend Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica: Season One or maybe The Blue Collar Comedy Tour. That Jeff is a funny guy."

It has been reported that police departments throughout the US have been put on alert because of the upcoming release The Return of the King on Tuesday. The fantasy film has a massive cult-like following of nerds.

When asked if arrests would continue, Attorney General Ashcoft said "we're looking closely at the box office reciepts for Blade Trinity. Meet the Fockers is another distinct possibility considering the large amount of Barbara Streisand fans."

I love it when you write these articles...

This phony article is untrue!

I really didn't like it as I have heard too many stories about this incident and the people who died. That kept me from enjoying the story.

I really didn't mention much about the shooting. Nathan Gale is from Marysville, his friends do describe him as quiet, he did have an imaginary dog, and they did call him Crazy Nate.

All sad but true.

http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20041210123809990003

Unfortunately, I was one of those 200,000 people arrested.

I was charged with two counts. One was for my fanatical obssession with the mega super group Right Said Fred, and one was for my unhealthy obssession with sexy supermodel Angela Lansbury.

My dog tried to tell them it was all good and that I wasn't crazy, but the Feds refused to listen to him.

Crazy Tony is not going down without a fight. I'm too sexy for this bullcrap!!!

I'm...too sexy...for this post.

Too sexy for this post....so sexy I boast.

It's because I'm a model, you know what I mean? And I do my little turn on the catwalk. Yeah on the catwalk. I do my little turn on the catwalk.

And, lastly, I'm too sexy for my cat. Too sexy for my cat. Poor pussy poor pussy cat. What do you think about that?

I think you have no idea what you're talkin' about. Right Said Fred was sooooooo 1990. :wink:

He still haunts my dreams in a very naughty way though...

I thought this was true, until the middle with the Saved by the Bell thing. I love it when something looks real at first, then the truth quickly unfolds. Awesome writing, Loyal! :wink:

Sad that he had to die. I did like Pantera. RIP

http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/12/09/nightclub.shooting/

pantera rocked power hard

I thought Pantera was a bread company.

LOL that's Panera