Lindsay Lohan Boobs Comes Clean!
Lindsay Lohan's Boobs Inc came clean on her drug use and eating disorder in the new issue of Vanity Fair. Although her publicist and mother would much rather you didn't know. Reuters reports

The best bit.
"Lohan said she used drugs "a little" but quickly tried to retract the admission and denied that she had taken cocaine. "I don't want people to think that I've done ... you know what I mean? It's kind of a sore subject," she said."

How do you exactly use drugs "a little"? Do you like start snorting white powder but stop before it goes all the way up your nose and spit it out like Paris spits out condoms? Or do you ask Kate Moss to show you how much is a "little" and she'll cut you up a nice lil square the size of Texas for you that may or may not be enough to lead you to a damniation in bulimia hell. Either way im proud of this bitch for admitting she did drugs to the entire world AND that she had an eating disorder. Even though she did it because her mouth is too big and she's all "shit shit" afterwards. And people will probobly like her less as a result, if thats even possible.

Also Smooth: replacing the word "cocaine" with three, cute little Lohan sized dots. Well they would be cuter if she could actually go through a movie's filming schedule without being drunk, being lazy and being a giant bitch. But they are pretty cute just on their own.

I don't think she gets that people really, really just don't care about her enough to keep her around for nothing and that she should probobly start working before demanding $15m per movie to do nothing. She ain't churnin out the sex tapes and cooties like Paris Hilton and she ain't churnin out the babies like Kevin Federline...actually no one wants him around. Period.

All in all, this article has left me a little worried about Lindsay Lohan. Largely due to the photograph of her on the front of Vanity Fair with disgusting freckles and nasty hair. Oh well, theres always the tits.



Also:
Paris dont ave to act

[font=Arial]Mariah Carey eats babies for breakfast! True!


Caption: "Ooh it's a big one. I shouldn't have eaten that portion of Jojo"

Salamimi Carey sends off 2005 knowing that her bank balance isn't going to be shrinking any more, and that her waistline almost certainly will not be shrinking unless she stops eating planets.

Has anyone seen Ciara lately? I think Mimi ate her! Im serious that bitch is morphing into a giant farmyard animal, and her salami days? Hah! Those are a distant memory. She wishes she was still just a salami!

Oh I shun you all - Mimi deserves to get fat. She's sold nearly 5 million copies of her new album in the US alone after flopping for years - come on now that deserves a few pork sausages and a dabble with cannabilism involving young black singers, don't it?

Beyonce you better watch your shit, bitch! Mimi's got her eye on your humps! And she eat you! She eat you good! Damn I keep looking at that picture of her dancing and I piss my pants laughing. She so drunk! So so hungry! I bet shes all like "Hey bitches where'd you put the Ciara fishsticks?" and they'd be all like "Next to the Missy Elliot Petit Filous" and she'd be all like "This party needs more blow! Just as well they had the red carpet with deh candels out for me. Pretty candles...........What, where am I?"


Here my high tech graphical wizardary team have shown what a night at the diner may entail for Mimi. I know, looks realistic dosen't it!? What an age we live in. Did you guys know that you can download pornography from this "internet" contraption? It is true! I was sent an email just yesteryear and when I opened it, a large female vagina flashed upon screen urging my to enter my credit card! I tried but the screen wouldn't let me insert it. [/font]

She reallllly looked sorta fat "singing" on NYRE

Ok so by anyone elses standards shes definately not fat. I'd still do her. If i wasn't so scared of her infested snatch. But the point is calling Mariah Carey seriously "fat" is making real fatties feel better across the land and we ned to make them feel inferior and with the motivation to get thin. Because fat is not hot!

Yes she does. I love her lady lumps. I hear she lays out red carpets all over them at night and calls it a VIP Boobtube.

It's not that she's gaining weight.

It's that that dress doesn't really work on people who aren't rail thin.

Oh no, shes' definately porking up.
But i think its all good. It'd do Hollywood well to porken up a little bit.

Thread updates on an indefinate hiatus.
You all know the url. Apologies to those inconvienced.

http://lohanfacial.ytmnd.com/

Wow, long time no update.
The thread passed 15,000 views. That's some hot shit! Thanks y'all.

The Deli itself is nearing 60,000 now. And is growing in daily hits as always. Just think, it started off because you all kept bitching and whining about my celebrity threads! And for that, I thank you.

Anywhoo. Updates aren't going to be a regular occurance any more, because its hard enough for me to update the site never mind the thread these days [I'm busy with folio building and university interviews] But because I'm bored and generous,

Oh and has anyone noticed my random "Im not a bad person" outbursts? Thats called guilt. I feel. Not that much though.

Kelly Clarkson bakes Oral Sex Pancakes.
[a lowdown of Kelly Clarkson's slightly suggestive new music video featuring images]

Jennifer Love Hewitt is the Medusa.


Mariah Carey used to be Crazy
A video of Mimi freaking out on TRL a few years back.

Christina Aguilera's vagina is drunk and hungry
Whats worse than images of Christina Aguilera? Why Images of Christina Aguilera drunk of course!

Inappropriate Magazine Cover of the Year
Teri Hatcher reveals a terrible secret, and her panties on the front cover of said magazine.

Sarah Jessica Parker has a secret
Lets face it, Bitch has seen better days. It's okay SJP, we love you anyway.


Bird York was Robbed!
Video of Bird York at the Oscars.

Kevin Federline scratches his butt!
He's not digging for another baby thats for sure!

Crash surprises at the Oscars
You know the show has sucked when the prospect of Jennifer Garner being embarrased infront of a billion viewers becomes the most appetising of the evening.

Live on the Red Carpet
Who looked like shit? Everyone of course! But who looked like highly polished shit?


Fergie Fugwatch: Fugilicious!
If Fergie were pretty I wouldn't have to be so witty.

Did you see what I did there? Hahaha im great. Woah, I just farted and it smells reallly bad.

Movie about Sausages on the Horizon!
Mariah Carey makes another film. Pregnant mothers consider a deserted island to save their childrens innocence.

Lindsay Lohan Cares!
If by "Cares" i mean "Is a hypocritical bitch"

Fergie Fugwatch: Fergie is a Kindly Soul
Fergie takes remorse on our eyes, if only for a brief minute. What the fuck happened to Tom Hanks! I used to have secret fantasies about him.

Lindsay Lohans ugly tit
Who gives a rats ass any more.

Teri Hatcher Underestimates Us!
Finally admits to having bottox done. Thanks for the newsflash Teri.


Don't say I don't still love you bitches.

Phew. Stay Trashy.

Any guesses?

Other updates:
Paris Hilton's Ass Ejects Diaphragms

Celebrity Style Tips!

The most retarded commercial ever!

The Diary of Mimi #4: Im Not 20 any more!

Phew @ the 'and Orange' part of the title

Orlando Bloom is possibly lactating.

In todays hard hitting issue of The Deli, I attempt to find out the truth about Orlando Blooms sex.
Is he male or female? Well these nipples say female!


More shocking evidence inside!
Subscription just $34.99 a month for cutting edge [s]fictional[/s] factual reports you wont find anywhere else.

True story.

This thread has become so gay I expect it to be replaced soon by a Crash thread.

Girl can't handle his Orlando Bloom tiitties!

Korrgan's post = 666th reply.

Need I say more?

That game is actually really hot shit! Its fun. you should get it. I tried a few of those dancing games for the PS2 and dance beat was the most fun.

I think everyones 666th post should be in this thread.

Another update

Kimberly Stewart is a Classy Lady

One mo time!



Christina Aguilera is a ghost with a nipple ring

And were done for today.

Hilary Duff Prances into a Rodeo!

Omfg this shit is too hot to be real! Hilary Duff ACTUALLY performed at the "Houston Livestock and Rodeo Show" on Thursday.

^ Bitch needs to stop trying to leave her big ass horse droppings on the stage!

^Even her goddamn hoofs are horsey!

I'm so glad that Hilary finally saw that L.A is no world for a horse and the yearnings for her to return to her home were just too strong. Hopefully they will feed her well because I think what she's been eating has not even being going in through her mouth.

You know what would be awesome? Seeing Mimi's fat ass riding Hilary Duff!

I love you Hilary and Mimi. God you guys give me reason to live.


Other Updates.
1. The battle of the "Flavor of Love" myspace girls.


2. ALIAS sneak preview!!!HOT SPOILERY SHIT!
3. Jessica Simpson is hideous

I'm going for an operation.

If anything goes horrible wrong, I nominate Snrub and Amos and Tony and Oscar to take over the Deli and find it someone funnier than any of them to ultimate take over.

Michel if i called bABA a slut, would you let me do some articles not because I'm funny but because I'm too funny. You know, funny ha-ha, not funny weird.

I call BaBa a slut on a daily basis. Your going to have to make a famous person shit a kitten before i let you write!

Wish me luck all, If i die, [omgz i hope not] tell sam nasty im going to haunt his ass and make his life a living hell with ghostly Mariah Carey songs.