This great critical reception is currently akin to that of sideways or michelle branch's second album *snicker* For that, my friends, i thank you.

Hmmm...my sexy sexy sleeves still have something up them!!you shall all see when i start paypal whooring this thread

Is Jessica Simpson really banging most of Hollywood?
Is Britney Spears using her pregnant belly to shoplift?
What is The Deli? Why do I care?

All shall be revealed soon!

Hey Michael, I'm curious - if Mariah Carey is really fat, could you post some pictures that would suggest any evidence of this. Thusfar the only ones you've shown us that are real are ones that you claim are completely photoshopped, yet I have yet to see any proof that those pictures are not infact her real body.

Are you admitting that you are a woman?

You take me too seriously

Of course Mariah Carey isn't Fat. The whole fact that the media have even made this suggestion is what im poking fun at more than the insanely curvatious one herself.

I don't think she's fat either.

I don't really like her music, her persona, or anything about here, but not all men feel that women need to be waifs :/

No Celebrities are Vegetables Right Now!
Im sleepy. Still hungover and celebrities have like...stopped being funny.
Its a gossip drought.

Withdrawal Support Helpline on way.
To be run by army of tiny asians,

I got some gossip, then. I hear Britney Spears isn't pregnant, but decided to go on a nine-month bender of nothing but junk food. Then, she'll disappear for a month and a half and be as good as new, minus the fat-lovin' Federline, as well. She'll be sexier than ever, and make a new album that becomes the biggest hit of 2006, and she'll win a ton of Grammys in 2007, as well as other major music awards.

Heres for hoping.
If i met britney spears id sit that woman down, smack her across the face and say, "Listen bitch, this is what your going to do with your career. Believe it or not; you do have some fans you havent pissed off left over...."

And to think that Justin Timberlake was the least of our worries.

Justin Timberlake is clearly gay
You just wouldnt leave Britney Spears for Cameron Diaz.
Spears not only is a helluva lot better looking but shes also got WAHAY more money and power than Cameron Diaz.
Shes a bigger catch all round. And judging by her videos and how many times a day she has sex- id bet shes not too bad in the sack either.

Probobly learned how to ride in the ranch

I dont think Spear's album sales can slide any more; In The Zone had a good retention from her last album considering only 3 singles were released - it actually outsold her third album in most international territories. Here included [despite far less marketing] I think we will see a Britney revival when she returns with her next album. Shes lying relatively low from the media since they kind of stopped blitzing pregnancy pics. The buzz will return when spearslets emerge though

She will be around forever; like Madonna. Wether you endorse or despise that fact stands to reason

1,000+ views already

I should probobly do an update right now. But im too lazy; im watching James & The Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolat Factory , Joey then Alias and Scream 2 [TV is too awesome tonight]

Booooo!

Charlie and the Chocolat factory? So Charlie ends up in France in Juliette Binoche's shop and meets Johnny Depp who resembles Willy Wonka sans the makeup? How meta!

As tempting as it was to write a long rant about why Joel Silver is a fucking explotitive asshole. i dont really care enough to.

Instead....

HILARY DUFF IS A HORSE WHO IS LIKE SOOOOO OVER IT AND SHIT!



Lets just repeat that


Wow Hilary, i really don't know why a teenage girl would be a total bitch to another teenage girl . Your so victimised; i mean, seriously, this one time when i read that Lindsay totally stole Aaron [who is so yesterday] i had to like, phone up my girlfriend to have a "prayer moment" JUST 4 U. [PSSS DONT WRRY WE TOTALLY DIDN'T BITCH ABOUT U!!!!!XXXX] Anyway Susan was like " Lindsay Lohan is like an anorexic crack-ho now and look who came out on top! Hilary is like baby jesus 2 me"and i TOTALLY AGREE. Girl ur like an inspiration to my heart!!!!

I wrote a song 4 u to sing on ur new albume! [Which i think u shuld call "Txt Me 2morrow!" or "Fucking die Lindsay" whichever is good 4 u!!!]



Its still a work in progress!!!! so its going 2 get better i promise!!!! but let me kno if ur interested girl!!!!! cuz i can do more n edit! I mean ur record label told me 2 email the song as an mp3 2 ur personal email address. But the one they provided me wit [hilaryduff@gofuckyourself.com] just keeps sending me naughty pictures. So i dunno wat 2 do!?

Moving On Then....


I wish more girls were like Hilary Duff. I mean seriously; not only did she choose to date an ugly fucking idiot [who is not even in the same league as her totally hot horse mouth....mmmmm...raddish] who smoked pot and had sex with his brother multiple times...

But when he cheated on her with an evil, freckled skanky skeleton her attitude to the whole thing is....

Shes like, the perfect chicklet. [If your into animals and satanism]
I can just imagine Britney Spears' marriage in two years after becoming bestest best buddies with the evil-horse-faced one [ who i maintain is trying to create an army of satanic horses to rise up and take over this earth]

Fast Forward: 2 Years
Kevin Federline stumbles into the Spear's castle bedroom, kicking one of his babies on the way in to join the pile Britney has carefully arranged at the bottom of her four poster. Evidently drunk - Federline slurs "You, bitch, u didnt give me allowance money 2nitee....... so i fucked Christina Aguleria and Jessica Shimpson and Nick Lachey in a sexify orgie! and christina paid me for my services and spat in my mouth just like momma used to do!"

Spears, pausing for a moment and looking slightly vacant in her corset, tilts her head to the side and says "Whatever, Kevin come to bed, lets fuck!"

Two weeks later.
Britney Spears seen entering gynacologist. Again.

In other news, this weeks LIQUIDGENERATION.COM SUCKMYNEWS totally plagarises this column. Stealing my infamous comparison of Hilary Duff and a horse.

Aherm more plagarizing. This time about the Federline and Spears infinative amount of babies.

Its happening so close to when i write this masterwork that its scary. But Superficial seems to find all the funny shit for me to skewer so its all good.

What do you mean? Shut up, of course all of these major websites have read this thread religously! Fucking idiot you are.

Awww, leave me precious Hilary alone.

I wrote her a song damnit!

A horrible song. :razz:

i spent 3 hours writing it,

hehe! i saw her on Jay Leno sometime ago, and she doesnt look to good with those big teeth.....scary

In their spare time, Hilary Duff's teeth work as an airport runway. Even when they're off-duty, airplanes have been seen trying to land on Hilary's teeth, mistaking it for an airport runway.

I like that one
Can i steal it and pretend i said it?