I have somewhat of a problem with rap, its not that I’ve always had this problem. For a time I actually enjoyed rap, and let it be known that I still enjoy 2pac and Kanye West, not to mention Outlandish, Jurassic 5 and Dilated peoples…

Saying this however, the first thing I said when I burst into this world was not

“Excuse me good doctor, would you mind letting me go? I have to run my prostitution and drug rings as soon as really, not to mention keeping ‘it’ real in ‘da hood’”

My recent problems with rap have emerged from what I call “shout rap”, which as far as I can tell, involves shouting very loud and very angrily and sitting back and waiting for the ‘whores’ or the ‘dough’ to role in, whatever comes first.

It seems that the main cause of this recent explosion in “shout”, or more preferably “shit”, rap is “lil’ John”. I don’t really get the ‘lil’ bit, I’m unsure whether he can’t spell “little” or if his first name is “Lillian”. Anyways, I’ve decided to give the guy a chance, in all honesty I’ve not really tried to listen to his music, mostly because I value my brain cells. But I figure everyone deserves a second chance, besides, ‘my posse’ inform me that he keeps ‘it’ real and loves ‘da bling’, to which I say ‘indeed’.

Well, I listened to the song, which was a very very bad idea, not only are my ears bleeding and my eyes rattling in their sockets, but I’m fairly sure that my chances of ever jumping into a conversation without screaming ‘YEAAHHH’, have now been drastically reduced. But fear not humble reader, I shall persevere for you, In fairness I didn’t really try to appreciate/listen to the lyrics. Perhaps this “lil’ John” is a modern day Shakespeare, hiding beautiful prose behind ‘phat’ beats, to which I say “unlikely”. Let’s take a look at the lyrics to the smash hit “Get Low”. And why yes, I am dreading this


3,6,9 damn she fine hopin she can sock it to me one mo time
Get low, Get low 2x
To the window, to the wall, (to dat wall)
To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)
To all these bitches crawl (crawl)
To all skeet skeet motherfucker (motherfucker!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got
dam)
To all skeet skeet motherfucker (motherfucker!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got
dam)


“Hmmm, interesting start, who would have thought that a gangsta’ rap song could start with the 3x table? This is actually a clever ploy to make the listener think these men are fine cultured gentlemen who enjoy croquet and water polo. I’m assuming that the phrase
“she can sock it to me one mo time”, is some form of invite to his female friend for a rematch at a game of chess, or backgammon.
However, it all goes to hell from then on, it seems lil’ John wants people to “Get low” from the window, to the wall (the wall in question is further clarified by some random person in the background), now, call me crazy, but how in the hell does someone do that? Do they want you to stretch yourself out between the window and the wall? Or do they simply want you to crouch down and get to the wall, from the window, perhaps this is some form of fire drill. Lil’ John is screaming at the people to get low to avoid the plumes of smoke that will kill them all, whoa, this guy is deep!
It seems however that Lil’ John’s fire safety training was administered by a pervert, as he then begins advising the patrons to get near the sweat dropping from his genitalia, now I’m no expert on the subject, but I get the feeling this is not the most efficient way to douse out flames. I can also only guess that the man previously clarifying what wall to migrate to has now suffered some horrific injury to his genitals, as indicated by his screaming of “MY BALLS”, ouch.
After this dip into terrifying fire safety tips lil’ John tries to reaffirm his status as a member of the gentry, at least I think he does, because the only ‘skeet’s that I can think of are the clay pigeons. Lil’ John it seems is trying to ‘Xtreme’ up the noble sport of skeet shooting, imagine if you will, Prince Charles lining up his shot, firing and turning to the Queen announcing “Skeet that shit up, motherfucker!!!”, hell, I think it would be kinda interesting, I’ll write to Charlie as soon as.”


Shortie crunk so fresh so clean can she fuck that
Question been harassing me in the mind this bitch is fine
I done came to the club about 50 11 times now can I play with yo
Panty line the club owner said I need to calm down security guard go to sweating
Me now nigga drunk then a motherfucker threaten me now


I would just like to take this moment to say that I got these lyrics from an official source; sadly it seems that the above qualify as a sane use of the English language. My posse inform me that “crunk” stems from being Crazy and Drunk at the same time, to which I say, well done, it takes some good honest drug use to get there! Good on ya, and “yo’ ho”. It seems that Lil’ John wants his women fresh and clean before engaging in any form of sexual deviancy, this seems a tad rich from a man who has already openly admitted to having sweaty balls…
Now this is where I begin to get seriously concerned about the state of Lil’ John’s mind, and not just because of his butchering of the English language, it seems that the poor man is completely flawed by a question, I can imagine the situation.

“Are you lil’ John?”
“Bitch! Stop harassing my mind!!!”

Poor John, he’s so blown away by a simple query that the other lyrics don’t really make any sense. Par example, “done came to the club about 50 11 times now”, interesting, has he come to the club 50 times? Or 11? Or maybe he’s trying to trick us all with math problems!! He’s come to this club 50/11 times! Oh god no! Bow before our new club going mathematician!
It really is all downhill from there, “Panty line the club owner said I need to calm down security guard go to sweating”, I mean, shit, its as if he’s turned into the guy from the fast show, “mhmmmhm PANTY LINE mhhhmmhm SECURITY GUARD!!”. I see that Lil’ John’s recurring sweat problem keep coming back. Please, for me, repeat the entire verse to yourself, yes, it is that bad.


She getting crunk in the club I mean she work
Then I like to see the female twerking taking the clothes off BUCKEY naked
ATL. Hoe don't disrespect it
Pa pop yo pussy like this cause yin yang twins in this b i itch
Lil Jon and the East side boys wit me and we all like to see Ass and tities
Now bring yo ass over here hoe and let me see you get low if you want this Thug
Now take it to the floor (to the floor) and if yo ass wanta act you can keep yo
ass where you at


[chorus]

Uh oh, the Crunk is back, you would have thought he’d have learnt that stuff isn’t any good for him from the last verse, but it seems not. I would really go further into this verse, but its so damned vulgar, so I’ll try and sum my thoughts about it fairly fast.

1. What the hell does “Twerking” mean?
2. I assume ATL stands for “Advanced Turtle Legions”, who needs drive-bys when you have an army of turtles to do your bidding?
3. Thank god the yin yang twins have arrived, make sure to keep them balanced though, ho ho, Taoism joke.
4. Yes they are all thugs, be afraid, be very afraid, grrrr.


Let me see you get low you scared you, scared you
Drop dat ass to the floor you scared you, scared you
Let me see you get low you scared you, scared you
Drop dat ass to the floor you scared you, scared you
Drop dat ass ya shake it fast ya
Pop dat ass to the left and the right ya
Drop dat ass ya shake it fast ya
Pop dat ass to the left and the right ya
Now back,back,back it up
a back,back,back it up
a back,back,back it up
a back,back,back it up
Now stop ( O) then wiggle wit it
Now stop ( O) then wiggle wit it
Now stop ( O) then wiggle wit it
Now stop ( O) then wiggle wit it


[chorus]

This verse is the result of some hard bargaining between Lil’ John and his producer;

“Lil’ John, the songs too short”
“Bitch! Stop harassing my mind!!!”
“Hah hah, seriously though, we need about another min”
“Bitch! Stop harassing my mind!!!”
“No, seriously, this is a big problem”
“Bitch! Stop harassing my mind!!!”
“Jesus-fucking-christ, Ted just grab some random things he says and repeat them for a min”
“Bitch! Stop harass—“
“Silence!”


Now give me my doe back and go get ya friend
Stupid bitch standing there while I'm drinking my hen
Steady looking at me Still asking questions
Times up nigga pass me another contestant
Hoe move to the left if you ain't bout 50
Done talk through 3 or 4 songs already
looking at a nigga with yo palm out bitch I ain't even seen you dance


It seems Lil’ John has become unhappy with his prostitute, demanding money back, I’m not sure that’s how it works. Personally, I’m not so hot on the whole whoring your body out thing, but I’m fairly certain they don’t give out receipts to provide an easy money back service. Not that Lil’ John cares about any of this, I’d say he’s so tripped out on LSD on this point that he’s taken to trying to drink chickens, you tell me how you drink hen.
Sadly, John’s brain gets overloaded by questions again, and he spends the remainder of the verse thinking he’s some demented judge on pop idol. Lil’ John would be a great supporting judge on pop idol, everyone would be better then him, so he’d just have to sit there in the back, screaming “YEAH”, or “MY BALLS” or “PANTY LINE”.


Twerk something baby work something baby
Pop yo pussy on the pole do yo thang baby
Slide down dat bitch
a little bit then stop
Get back on the floor catch yo balance then drop
Now bring it back up clap yo ass like hands
I just wanna see yo ass dirty dance yin yang we done again
And put it on the map like annnnn


[chorus]

I’m going to attempt to translate this one…
“Engage in the activity of working, madam
Throw your cat onto the pole
Just rub the poor thing about a bit
Until its statically charged, then stop
Now, return to the dance floor, and don’t fall over in those heels
Now applaud everyone in the room
I just want to catch a glimpse of your universally balanced posterior
And place an AA road map on it.”


Got dam (Got dam) ya ya'll twerking a little bit ladies
But ya got to twerk a little bit harder then dat
now right now I need all the ladies dat know they look good tonite
(where my sexy ladies) we want ya'll to do this shit like this
Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low (get low)
Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low (get low)
Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low (get low)
Bend over to the front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low (get low)


I’m just too depressed to field this one, it seems however that all the “crunking” Lil’ John has been doing has affected his mind so much that he forgets the last line, and begins repeating himself, much like a broken record…

…oh wait, that might just be the genre in general.

lmao! fantastic!!!

a great read!!



yeah i assume this is what that verse meant aswell!!!





lol! you didn't...i did.

welcome to the forum!! I look forward to reading more of your anecdotes.

:laugh: brilliant =D>

OMG I love you Brits!!! Funny, funny people. =D> [/list]