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Algren
now we know
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 9:31 pm
Posts: 68318
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 Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Quote: MAN SEEKING WOMAN
fitting to the following criteria:
Age: 24-30
Nationality: Asian (not Indian), Latino (not American)
Height: 5'7-5'10
Appearance: Thin, not bony, a bit of meat is fine, but not a big, fat, fatty.
Skin: White, yellow (not black)
Breasts: Medium-Large
Language: Must speak English. Do not even bother if you do not speak English. May also speak other languages.
Attitude: Positive and energetic. Athletic. Racists preferred.
Must not:
- Yawn, cough, sneeze without using hand.
- Pick nose.
- Use phone in my presence unless to answer or make a call.
- Be politically correct. If you are, forget about it, love.
- Ever wear daps.
Must:
- Be able to break convention.
- Be partial to blowjobs.
- Shower regularly.
- Keep the house tidy.
- Cook.
- Always wear high heels in public. Wedges are permitted.
- Occasionally wear skirts and tight business clothes.
- Like dress-up.
- Have nice hands and feet.
Likes:
- Movies
- Food
- Eating out
- Exercise
Dislikes:
- Christmas
- Gays
- Money
If you fulfill even 90% of this list, and providing you are attractive to me, I will treat you like a queen. _________________STOP UIGHUR GENOCIDE IN XINJIANG
FIGHT FOR TAIWAN INDEPENDENCE
FREE TIBET
LIBERATE HONG KONG
BOYCOTT MADE IN CHINA
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 12:56 am |
 
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Libs
Sbil
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 3:38 pm
Posts: 48677
Location: Arlington, VA
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) 12 Years a Slave: Algren Dating Profile Edition
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 2:07 am |
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Thegun
On autopilot for the summer
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2004 10:14 pm
Posts: 21889
Location: Walking around somewhere
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Trying way too hard, and besides, it's not legit without a photo. I want to see the person, people beg to model for them.
_________________ Chippy wrote: As always, fuck Thegun. Chippy wrote: I want to live vicariously through you, Thegun!
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 2:16 am |
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Algren
now we know
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 9:31 pm
Posts: 68318
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) I'd been thinking about doing this for a while. You really know what you want when you've been married. I'd be picky as hell.
_________________STOP UIGHUR GENOCIDE IN XINJIANG
FIGHT FOR TAIWAN INDEPENDENCE
FREE TIBET
LIBERATE HONG KONG
BOYCOTT MADE IN CHINA
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 7:52 am |
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movies35
Forum General
Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 1:53 pm
Posts: 8627
Location: Syracuse, NY
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Umm... what?
_________________
Top 10 Films of 2016
1. La La Land
2. Other People
3. Nocturnal Animals
4. Swiss Army Man
5. Manchester by the Sea
6. The Edge of Seventeen
7. Sing Street
8. Indignation
9. The Lobster
10. Hell or High Water
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:05 am |
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Algren
now we know
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 9:31 pm
Posts: 68318
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) I will probably update this from time to time. Maybe produce some graphs to see how well my actual wife is doing. It could be an annual gig.
_________________STOP UIGHUR GENOCIDE IN XINJIANG
FIGHT FOR TAIWAN INDEPENDENCE
FREE TIBET
LIBERATE HONG KONG
BOYCOTT MADE IN CHINA
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:09 am |
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Argos
Z
Joined: Sat May 13, 2006 2:20 pm
Posts: 7952
Location: Wherever he went, including here, it was against his better judgment.
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Which of the criteria does your wife fit?
_________________
"Der Lebenslauf des Menschen besteht darin, dass er, von der Hoffnung genarrt, dem Tod in die Arme tanzt."
- Arthur Schopenhauer
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 11:05 am |
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David
Pure Phase
Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 7:33 am
Posts: 34865
Location: Maryland
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) _________________   1. The Lost City of Z - 2. A Cure for Wellness - 3. Phantom Thread - 4. T2 Trainspotting - 5. Detroit - 6. Good Time - 7. The Beguiled - 8. The Florida Project - 9. Logan and 10. Molly's Game
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 11:18 am |
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Chippy
KJ's Leading Pundit
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 4:45 pm
Posts: 63026
Location: Tonight... YOU!
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Holy fuck just kill me after reading this shit.
_________________trixster wrote: shut the fuck up zwackerm, you're out of your fucking element trixster wrote: chippy is correct
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:06 pm |
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Price
Gamaur's sex slave
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2005 7:15 pm
Posts: 8889
Location: Los Pollos Hermanos
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) _________________
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:25 pm |
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Libs
Sbil
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 3:38 pm
Posts: 48677
Location: Arlington, VA
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Even a blow up doll has standards, Price.
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:28 pm |
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Dr. Lecter
You must have big rats
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 4:28 pm
Posts: 92093
Location: Bonn, Germany
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) This gave me a good laugh.
_________________The greatest thing on earth is to love and to be loved in return!
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 4:02 pm |
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Excel
Superfreak
Joined: Sat Aug 20, 2005 12:54 am
Posts: 22197
Location: Places
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Libs wrote: 12 Years a Slave: Algren Dating Profile Edition  _________________Ari Emmanuel wrote: I'd rather marry lindsay Lohan than represent Mel Gibson.
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| Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:13 pm |
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Algren
now we know
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 9:31 pm
Posts: 68318
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Dr. Lecter wrote: This gave me a good laugh.  _________________STOP UIGHUR GENOCIDE IN XINJIANG
FIGHT FOR TAIWAN INDEPENDENCE
FREE TIBET
LIBERATE HONG KONG
BOYCOTT MADE IN CHINA
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 12:48 am |
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Groucho
Extraordinary
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2004 9:30 pm
Posts: 12096
Location: Stroudsburg, PA
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Chippy wrote: Holy fuck just kill me after reading this shit. Yeah, a profile like that just screams "I'm a selfish, racist asshole" doesn't it? _________________Buy my books! http://michaelaventrella.com
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 2:19 pm |
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David
Pure Phase
Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 7:33 am
Posts: 34865
Location: Maryland
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Let me defend Algren against Groucho just by posting an image:  Nothing else needs to be said. _________________1. The Lost City of Z - 2. A Cure for Wellness - 3. Phantom Thread - 4. T2 Trainspotting - 5. Detroit - 6. Good Time - 7. The Beguiled - 8. The Florida Project - 9. Logan and 10. Molly's Game
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 4:00 pm |
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Dr. Lecter
You must have big rats
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 4:28 pm
Posts: 92093
Location: Bonn, Germany
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Kind of a cheap shot, no?
_________________The greatest thing on earth is to love and to be loved in return!
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 5:47 pm |
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Chippy
KJ's Leading Pundit
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 4:45 pm
Posts: 63026
Location: Tonight... YOU!
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Cheap jokes is right in David's wheelhouse.
_________________trixster wrote: shut the fuck up zwackerm, you're out of your fucking element trixster wrote: chippy is correct
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 6:02 pm |
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Groucho
Extraordinary
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2004 9:30 pm
Posts: 12096
Location: Stroudsburg, PA
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Yeah, because people who write humorous fantasy and make money at it clearly must be assholes, right, David?
Oh wait -- my mistake. People who make fun of those people are the assholes. Sorry, I got that backwards.
_________________Buy my books! http://michaelaventrella.com
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 6:14 pm |
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David
Pure Phase
Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 7:33 am
Posts: 34865
Location: Maryland
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Shit just got very real very fast.
_________________1. The Lost City of Z - 2. A Cure for Wellness - 3. Phantom Thread - 4. T2 Trainspotting - 5. Detroit - 6. Good Time - 7. The Beguiled - 8. The Florida Project - 9. Logan and 10. Molly's Game
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 6:17 pm |
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Libs
Sbil
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 3:38 pm
Posts: 48677
Location: Arlington, VA
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Ew, David, stop allowing Algren's douche stank to spread to you. It's a sickness that must be contained.
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 6:39 pm |
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Caius
A very honest-hearted fellow
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2004 8:02 pm
Posts: 4767
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) What are "daps"?
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 10:27 pm |
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Groucho
Extraordinary
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2004 9:30 pm
Posts: 12096
Location: Stroudsburg, PA
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) David wrote: Shit just got very real very fast.  _________________Buy my books! http://michaelaventrella.com
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 10:55 pm |
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The Dark Shape
Extraordinary
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2004 3:56 am
Posts: 12119
Location: Adrift in L.A.
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Awww, Algren. You're nice enough to let her pick her own heels. I'm surprised you trust a woman to be able to do that much.
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| Wed Nov 13, 2013 11:46 pm |
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Algren
now we know
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 9:31 pm
Posts: 68318
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Re: Dating profile (if I wasn't married) Magnus wrote: Algren wrote: Must not:
- Use phone in my presence unless to answer or make a call.
oh but she can do that shit outside your presence? wtf man. grow some balls and keep you bitch on a leash. This all came about because she plays on her phone when we go out for a meal, and I think it's terribly rude. Two people are there, one of them playing on Internet/games, and the other is silent. We could easily chat. Magnus wrote: Algren wrote: Must:
- Always wear high heels in public. Wedges are permitted.
so she can be taller than you? what is wrong with you. bitch should always be below you. It's because it makes them look sexier, and wearing heels works out the legs so they never get flabby. Plus, I like short girls, so wearing heels will make them more 'my size'. Magnus wrote: Algren wrote: Dislikes:
- Christmas
- Gays
- Money I have no issues with this.  _________________STOP UIGHUR GENOCIDE IN XINJIANG
FIGHT FOR TAIWAN INDEPENDENCE
FREE TIBET
LIBERATE HONG KONG
BOYCOTT MADE IN CHINA
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| Thu Nov 14, 2013 1:30 am |
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