Yo, yo, yo.

The pre-show hath begun.

Would you look at that audience???!!!

Everyone's happy!

Even Curtis Jackson and Michael Jackson, who have just showed up!

YAY! OMG THEY'VE ATTENDED THE KJS!!!!

Woohoo, I'm excited.

This is an early pre-show though! Isn't it another 3 hours until the actual show? Heh.

PEACE, Mike.

...and now Rachel McAdams pulls up!

She will be our first presentor!!!!!!!!!!


YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO BROKEBACK!

"Rachel McAdams" :

Thank you, BallotPM. You are the sexiest man alive. Anyways, it is my privelege to share some facts about the award breakdown with you. First, you should be fascinated to know that one category had a three way tie for the last place, giving the category 7 nominees. Second, you should also be happy to know that Downfall (which, by the way, sucked) was NOT nominated for Best Picture.

The audience seems very pleased to hear that Downfall was not nominated for Best Picture. Except for one six-headed person in the middle.

:guns::guns::guns::guns::guns:

"Rachel McAdams" :

Thanks! Okay, so here's the schedule. First, we're gonna hear COOLIO rap. He's 50! YAY. Then, we're gonna hear ROSEANNE present "STUPIDEST VOTES." And, finally, we're gonna hear BallotPM tell us about the competition before the ceremony. YAY

COOLIO'S THE MAN

And, Coolio walks in looking attractive as usual!



GIVE IT UP FOR COOLIO!!!!!!!!!!

:):):):):)

"Coolio" :

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left
Cause I've been blastin and laughing so long that
Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone


But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it
Me be treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of
You better watch how you talking, and where you walking
Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk


I really hate to trip, but I gotta loc
As they croak I see myself in the pistol smoke, fool
I'm the kinda G the little homies wanna be like
On my knees in the night
Sayin' prayers in the street light


Been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
Been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise

We keep spending most our lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paraside
We keep spending most our lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paraside


Look at the situation, they got me facin
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the strife
So I gotta be down with the hood team
Too much television watchin' got me chasin dreams


I'm a educated fool wit money on my mind
Got my tin in my hand and a gleam in my eye
I'm a loc'ed out gangsta, set-trippin banger
And my homies is down, so don't arouse my anger, fool


Death ain't nuthin but a heart beat away
I'm livin life do-or-die ah, what can I say?
I'm twenty-three now, but will I live to see twenty-fo'?
The way things is goin I don't know


Tell me why are we -- so blind to see
That the ones we hurt -- are you and me

Been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
They been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise

We keep spending most our lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
We keep spending most our lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise

Power and the money, money and the power
Minute after minute, hour after hour
Everybody's runnin, but half of them ain't lookin
It's goin on in the kitchen, but I dont know what's cookin


They say I got ta learn, but nobody's here to teach me
If they cant understand it, how can they reach me?
I guess they can't -- I guess they won't
I guess they frontin; that's why I know my life is outta luck, fool


They been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
They been spending most their lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
We keep spending most our lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise
We keep spending most our lives
Living in the Gangsta's Paradise


Tell me why are we -- so blind to see
That the ones we hurt -- are you and me
Tell me why are we -- so blind to see
That the ones we hurt -- are you and me

Hm, Michelle Pfeiffer seems pleased with Coolio's performance.



Perhaps a little too pleased...

Damn this pre-show is cheap as hell, Coolio? Cant we afford someone better? Are we back in the early 90's?

We were close to getting Master P, but he wanted a pack of cigarettes on top of the five dollar guarantee. It just didn't work out.

Coolio and Michelle Pfeifer.

Wow.

I blame BallotPM for once again mishandling the show.

Kill him!

Michelle Pfeifer was not invited.

And Coolio paid US.

Now, on to ROSEANNE.

She volunteered, Jeff.

Hi I'm Roseanne. I am presenting STUPIDEST VOTES. They are made to make you laugh. Thank you. Also. They are real.

Best Actor: Adam Sandler in "THE LONGEST YARD"

Best Actress: Dakota Fanning in "HIDE AND SEEK."

Best Supporting Actor: "Adam Brody" in "KING KONG." Was Adam Brody even IN King Kong????

Hey, is that Jeremy Piven?!

Nope... it's Ron Jeremy.

You were not invited to the show.

Scat, scum.

Best Supporting Actress: Paris Hilton in "HOUSE OF WAX."

Best Original Screenplay: "AMERICAN PIE PRESENTS: BAND CAMP"

Best Adapted Screenplay: "RENT." Are there even words (that aren't songs) in this fucking movie?

Best Ensemble: "FANTASTIC FOUR"

Adam Brody is the man

Michelle wasn't invited? I'm giving up this show...

Best Score: "MATCH POINT" There's one fucking song and that's it. ONE SONG. Best Score? Hahahaha

Best Documentary: "MARCH OF THE PENGUINS"

Best Foreign Film: "MILLIONS"

Best Horror Film: TIE: "THE CAVE," "VENOM," "THE FOG," "CURSED," "TIM BURTON'S THE CORPSE BRIDE," "HIDE AND SEEK," AND "WHITE NOISE."

BREAKING NEWS:

I totally just dropped my can of bean dip.