Okay, I was thinking about this last night because there are somethings I really don't understand. I'm pretty comfortable with alot of things, so I was surprised at my own reactions when this happened. I dated this guy back in Chicago, and, well, its dating, so you don't knaw that much about the person before you start meeting. We went out a couple of times, and I could tell he was pretty wealthy. (Hey S.S., Termi, remember the Sex in a Car thread? :wink: ). I guess I'm perfectly fine with that. And sure, I'm not surprised people in their upper-20's are already buying property. If you have the money, it can be a good investemnt. I remember talking to him about my painting past, and he mentioned he was a scultpor. He then told me he had made a table and was now making chairs. So I thought he had a studio. He didn't, he was sculpting in his home.

I started to get a sense. Anyways, he ended up owning a three story house in Uptown. Like I said, property there can be affordable, and it's a good investment. Better than stocks (I hate the stock market). Well, another day, we meet, and I learn that he has 5 cars and 3 motorcycles. The relationship ended right there! Man, I was so alienated. Who does that anymore. Its like old fashioned toy ownership, and I just don't get it at all. At least property is a business investment, and technology (computers, sound mixers, etc) have some kind of use. At least a hobby, but chances are, more professionally. Cars and Motorcycles are just giant toys. They remind me of someone having a mid-life crisis. That stuff only depreciates in value and is pretty much just for flagrant display. I'm pretty flexible, I can even understand one car and a motorcycle for people that love cycles but realize the weather up north is horrible. But seriously c'mon, he bumped into me and some friends later in a bar (that was rough) and started talking to us and said he needed a different car for each season. What? Its Chicago? Its the flattest city in the country, and it has regular street plowing in the winter! I don't know, something about it just really rubbed me the wrong way, and I just felt incredibly alienated by that form of consumer consumption.

Ugh.

-Dolce

I "own" a car, a bycicle, and two pairs of running shoes.

OH NOEZ< IM ONE OF THOSE CAPITALSZTS!

On a serious note, I don't know if that would be a big deal to me at all.

I can certainly live with a girl *member of the opposite sex* owning a bunch of clothing I see no use for.

Hey, everyone I know except me owns a car, and even that, I used to have my parent's old beat up one when I was in university out in the burbs. But I don't think clothing is the same thing at all. Firstly, its far more functional. You have to get dressed anyways, plus its an investment in your social and professional life. People tend to buy clothing that "matches" their lifestyle, whom they hang out with, where they meet people, and where they work. secondly, you'd be hard pressed to find someone that could spend nearly as much money on clothing as it would take to buy those cars, etc.

I don't know. I guess i'm condemning it a little bit, but not nearly so much as just saying I feel seriously alienated by someone who still chooses to invest in that way. It reminds me of the 50's or something. I mean, Chicago has the 2nd best pupblic transportation system in the country. even then I knew many people that had cars, because its a big city and transportation isn't always that reliable. But still.

Honestly here, if you had a neighbor, and you saw that everyday he jumped into one of his many luxury cars. What would cross your mind?

-Dolce

This poster would come to mind:




I think you're reading too much into this. It's not an investment, it's buying toys. Some people are able to afford more expensive toys than others - more power to them. You don't like their choice of toys - more power to you.

By the way, a car is not an "investment" in the pure sense of the word (unless you're buying an antique that you know will go up in value). At best, a car is a tool that helps you get your job done.

Sounds like it was just a simple mismatch.

I had a neighbor who had a rolls royce collection. It struck me as harmless though nothing I would do myself, it just seemed like a silly hobby for rich people. It isn't that your guys cars and bikes collection was good or bad, it's that he just wasn't right for you.

OK it's difficult and tricky to give advice to people we only know online, for obvious reasons, but here goes:

It looks like there was a power mismatch with wealth, age and maybe other things and it just didn't feel right to you. The car/bike collection drove that point home and woke you up.

Dolce

Before I tell you whats on my mind:

What kind of cars and bikes
For what reason were they owned.
How often did he drive them.

Is this thread in honor of Bridget Jones 2 opening this week?

Um. I have no clue. I'll say he must have driven them enough because whenever we met at a bar he drove. They were luxury cars, like bmw's. Also, the bikes were covered up cause it was winter. You know, he just announced it with pride sort of thing. I'm sure they were nice motorcycles. I think a personalized harley is about the best one could go. Hell if I wasn't afraid of driving one and i lived in a nice place, I would consider it. But one and three is pretty different. I'd probably end up getting myself a little moped actually cause i like those.

Yeah, I think it was the "announce" with pride thing. bABA, what are you thinking?

Also, anyone else ever just had a really alienating experience they weren't expecting?

-Dolce

I don't see the connection

Not much to get, just a lame joke, they are both single young urban women talking about dating - and I know DV isn't exactly a big fan of B. Jones.

I honestly don't think I would care. If the person can afford that and if that is the person's hobby, sure, why not? Go for it then. If the person is insane and spends tons of money on that although he can't really afford it (so he basically buys cars instead of more important things), now that is wrong. But if the person can afford it, then why not? It wouldn't even matter if it were 30 motorcycles and 50 cars as long as it is the peron's hobby and it is affordable. To each his own is my opinion on that.

PS: If I owned many cars and motorcycles, I would not be proud of owning them, but much more of being able to afford owning them. Boasting with it in front of people who cannot afford it, is not really a nice thing to do, though.

l think that's just about stupid...

Dolce?

I have two stables full of my own horses, a house, a car, and a motorbike! Do I not have your love? :wink:

j/k

I can understand the difference and see why it would be unappealing to someone such as yourself! When some people flaunt or indulge in being able to procure such trinkets just because they can and others cannot, then I feel there is a problem! They are engulfed in a material world and they see status, prestige, admiration, etc., as something they can purchase! It would probably be safe to say that they think they can acquire other things that cannot really be bought! At least for those like you and I!

On the other hand, there are those who would jump at the chance to be with a person such as the bloke you described, because they are seekers of such! Different strokes for different folks! The world is very selfish and flawed!

If you have the money go out and buy your favorite stuff. However, Dolce you're being ignorant if you dump a guy because he owns some cars.

Oh woops. It wasn't about dating at all. Sorry if it came across that way, I just wanted to give some background info so it would make sense. It was just about how I don't get someone owning multiple cars and cycles as a form of material wealth anymore.

-Dolce

Quick notes

Starting with an anecdote. My friend in karachi was looking for an area where his family would get a house. They found a good plot of land and were negotiating a price for buying it (to make a house) when a counter offer came. They lost their own bid to a guy living next door to the plot cause they wanted to convert the whole thing into a larger parking lot for their 'cars'

More tidbits.
Friend of mine, his family owned about 9 cars ... 5 drivers... karachi.

Average of about 2 or 3 cars per household. usually one per person .. all in karachi ...

Cars a fascination for people really. Quite normal for me to see it .... the only thing I find odd about it is the fact that the person is pretty rich to afford so much .. I have never had that monetary status so I don't know how well the 2 of us might connect .. ofcourse more often than not ... pretty good but if its some girl I'm dating who had all this, sorry to say, the male pride comes in and you wonder how she thinks about you not being at the same monetary level as her .. but thats me ...

Why have i limited it to monetary?? because thats the only problem I really see with it.

If i was alone, not living in Newyork, had the money, I can actually picture myself with 3 cars. and maybe 2 bikes (1 bike actually but I say 2 because for the moment, I'll consider myself a bike person).

1 sporty car ....
1 nice car (because in the winter, I'm mad to take out the sporty car)
1 average, prolly used old car for long distance trips.
1 sport bike ( i personally love them)
1 harley type bike (i dont care for them at all but i can see someone wanting both)

I personally dot know how to bike so I wont ever really own the bikes ... would I actually own the 3 cars ?? Dont think so even if i had the money but i can see myself WITH 3 cars.

In the end, having 5 cars and 3 bikes doesnt bother me as such at all .. what i would think is what Archie said ... you realized an incompatibility in lifestyles. Its like my girlfriend never understanding my fascination for upgrading my computer constantly, having 3 monitors running off one machine (effectively having triple head display which I must say is the most amazing thing in the world and very helpful (though i cant afford 2 monitors right now : ( ), owning an Xbox at the age of 23 (She thinks its for kids) and wanting any electronic gadget that i deem "Cool" ....

And its the same for you. It sound slike more than anything, You do not approve of someone owning 5 cars and 3 bikes. For you, ithey are a mode of transportation more than anything and one should suffice (or atmost 2 if the argument makes sense). It sounds like a waste of resources, parking area and more importantly, priorities.

How off am i?

Closer than you think. He was directly from India, so maybe there is a cultural thing about American mechanics as an indication of wealth? I don't know. As for the rest, I'm not put off by one car and one bike, and horses...well...I've never even thought of that. lol. (Cian? Ever seen the Anheiser Busch Clydsdales up close? They are magnificent.)

Anyways, I still *get* multiple computers, etc. I think its the technology age I'm used to, and see it as a more viable show of wealth. Perhaps because it can be upgraded, and you can actually use computers. You can't actually use cars...you can just drive in them...and use up an entire lot for parking them. Mek, I don't know. Clearly it was a mismatch, the point is just that it really jarred me and I didn't think people used there money in such a fashion anymore. I thought they brought property. Vacation homes? Something else? Cars just feels like the equivalency of trophy wives dripped in rhinstones to me for some reason. It references a past age and a past indication of wealth I didn't realize existed as an ideal anymore.

Just thinking out loud I guess....

-Dolce

I think thasts why I asked you why he had so many cars ... did he actually drive them all or were they tokens.

The type of car back home definetely is a show of wealth .. multiple cars just adds to it ....

In what way did he flaunt it ... was it in respect of "Look i have all this so I'm rich and you're not" or look, "i got my favorite cars"

For some people, automobiels are a passion. I understand it .. hell, I want a garage full of about 20 different cars I'd love to drive. Thats the thing .. its not about going from one place to another , its about how these vehicles handle, how your driving style changes with them .. which is the thrill ...

ANyway, I dont know the guy so I'm just speculating.

Dolce-

That is quite the life of excess. I too would probably feel alienated. I imagine even if I won the lottery I would still probably just own my one nice car I would want, my mountain bike, rollerblades/hockey skates! I can't imagine just paying so much for something (in spades even) to have it sit around.

My most alienated situation was quite different. I was living in New England, and dating this girl in college. I met her family and they were nice enough, and always were polite, giving, hospitable. The biggest shocker was when we (ex-g/f & I) were packing the car for a beach weekend. I was heading up the stairs when she pulled me aside and told me to be quiet. I listened carefully to hear a rifle shot, and jumped back wondering what the hell happened. I later learned it was 'par for the course' for members of their family to take down the family rifle (in the parents bedroom) and shoot any 'varmints' that might be invading the garden (which was in clear sight of the parents bedroom window). I dont know what this particular victim was, but I could never see them in the same light really. I despise guns and this was just so reckless and dangerous to me.

That's just freaky. Thanks for proferring that one up driveaway. You gotta wonder how a habit like that even begins? I know there used to be these crows that would come to a dead tree near my window when I was younger...no fail, every morning at 5 am. It drove the family nuts cause they would sit and call to some crows out in the distance. We cracked jokes about buying a gun and just shooting them one morning when they came, but we cut the tree down instead.

Uh oh...you better not get on their bad side you know. They've got open range from the bedroom. I bet at dinner they were just really soft spoken and polite too?

And yes to you and bABA...I think it was a mix. I'm sure he loved how those cars handles, but that also means growing up he was in a culture that places relevancy and attention to those things. Meh...hearing someone's parents pull out the rifle first thing in the morning before they've even had their coffee would be uncomfortably hilarious too.

-Dolce

Uh oh, enter the bias against guns ;-)

You just won't let me go on this will you? I said you could own them. I hope you lose the hearing in your ear. :wink:

C'mon Dima, visiting a gf's parents and noticing them leaning out of their bedroom window rifling at some squirrel in their garden is just outright creepy. This isn't a shooting range. Its not even a forest.


I've got a good story. I was in English Class in Highschool once and this one kid was very late. The class was very small, so we noticed, plus it was AP, so its not like the people kipped alot, etc. So, he comes in late and everyone looks up and asks what's up. He said that he had gym class immediately before, and that the class had been outside in the woods behind the school were an adventure course had been set up. Anyways, they here a shot and the teacher freaks out and tells everyone to get down and not more. A couple minutes later this really old guy with a rifle wonders over, looks around, and goes "Uh, I don't think I'm in Marlborough anymore am I?" (Marlborough is the next town over from where we lived, and it had some hunting areas I guess). The kids were all spooked because they could have accidentally been shot because they were mistaken for deer or something. lol.

-Dolce

I had too much ear wax built up, so those ear plugs were simply a catalyst for an inevitable problem. Booya!

But yeah, it is pretty creepy. I mean, they should've at least offered the guy to take the first shot. Whatever happened to hospitality??


That's why I never wear my dear costume when I go out to the woods. You never know when some crazies will start busting caps in your arse. Besides, I don't like the unnecessary attention from the male deer, if you ctacth my drift.