Ok. Well, I meant to broach this lightly because I know it is actually something few people experience. Or maybe more than I think, but I grew up in a very white middle class suburb in central MA, and then lived in Cambridge (which, isn't exactly the most diverse community either).

SO I just wanted people to talk about their personal experiences with it. Expectations, encounters, anything. I haven't ever been uncomfortable in my past relations, but then again, I never had to meet family, or have family meet my boyfriends (they weren't all that serious). My friends though use to crack really insensetive comments sometimes, just not realizing until I drew their attention to it. I actually said some comments that my sister than went on to later realize in one of her co-workers, and admitted were fairly astute about cultural differences and comfort levels.

So, anyone care to profer some insight?

-Dolce

I dated an African American girl once. It was very brief and not serious. My dad wasnt to happy.

Seems like you're asking more than the title of the thread asks for ...

Your friend sounds a little like me .. I make ethnic/racial jokes all the time .. I think its a healthy thing really ... people today are too sensitive about things .. I mean I joke .. I have no issues when my friends call me Paki (considered a racial slur in many parts of the world), or brown or a lot of other things I would think twice before actually saying ...

I mean theres a difference between being serious and joking and i think the line between both is quite distinct.

Anyway, onwards to dating ...

I don't see any problems with it at all. I mean as far as its light dating, I don't even see the difference between anyone around me .. if someone is interested, thats all that counts really .... ofcourse, ones own preferences play a big role and your preferences are usually defined by the environment you grew up in.

My problem on the other hand is that I've never been into dating nor would I want to do it ... I mean, I've gone with a lot of girls to places but its always been at a friendship level.......... for me its always been about commitment in a relationship .. I'd love to do a casual relationship but I know its not in me .. a part of me doesnt see the point to it ..

And from that perspective, its difficult for me to consider tooooo much outside of my own ethnicity ... I have to take family into account, my own preferences and the fact that I want somethign that lasts long .. I'm not thinking about a one month swing or anything .. I always think about as long as it can possibly last ....

Rahima is prolly the furthest I can get from someone who is my own ethnicity. Though we're both Muslim, shes part of a different sect (a small one), shes a third generation pakistani/indian and can barely speak my language (but can sort of understand it).

So as far as just dating goes i guess, I dont see what difference anyone could make really ... but if you're thinking about commitment, I can see why for some people (including myself), these things may come into play.

Hope tahts the type of answer you were looking for ... i think I just started blabbing .....

Yes, that's what I meant. Thanks for the well thought out response bABA. I meant dating as in serious and/or casual, to open it up to everyone. And my friend (one in particular) wasn't a consious joke, which is why attention had to be drawn to it. Once I spoke to her about it she was actualy quite warm to the discussion, so if she cracked jokes now, I'd know they were jokes...then, I wasn't so sure, and apparently neither was she.

LMR, did your father really have issues? Did you knwo he would? If so, why did you think to introduce them? Were you very nervous and spoke to her about it ahead of time?

Again, thanks for posting guys.

Never have technically dated anyone of an opposite race.

Last year I had a one night stand that turned into a friends with benifits thing with a black girl.

Thats about it for me.

I would have no problem dating someone of an opposite race, just haven't met one I would want to date!

KJ

Yeah my dad had some small issues. He doesnt "believe" in it. But i introduced her to them anyways. I dunno, I was only 16.

Perhaps I am very progressive in forward thinking but I absolutely have no quams about interracial relationships or what have you. The way I see it is that we are all human, we have individual mindsets (some more influenced than others), and we can certainly find other more pertinent issues to carry on about rather than superficial/aesthetic qualities. One might say that cultural, religious, social, and other issues fall into play between lasting partnerships or blooming intimate feelings, but those seem to be barriers that we as people create for ourselves influenced by the thoughts and actions of our peers, our kin, our environment, etc.! When you take away all excuses/reasoning and you are left with a core, you realise that true love in its many faucets has no boundaries! Most people in our day and age unfortunately will never truly accept that concept, but I do!

I understand that it may be difficult for some who are not as strong of will to disassociate from all of the ideas and interpretations of the things they were taught when interacting with others who are 'unlike' them! People oft ask, how do you expect me to turn my back on everything that I was learned and that I believe? The answer., I cannot tell you to do anything that you deep within your mind and heart of hearts knows to be right! Most people -know- what the answer is but whether they -choose- to accept it or not is completely up to them! I can tell you however that it is a fact that all of the wars on this planet have come about simply because people choose to highlight their differences and criticize them to the point were it becomes incindiary! Sad isn't it!

Here in New Zealand, a lot has changed in the last fifteen years or so and the country has become more diverse, much to my joy! A lot of the younger people are pulling away from old negative views and stereotypes held by the generations before us and getting to know and love each other for who and what we are! I am not saying that it is utopia, for frailty we are human beings and for some, old practices die hard, but it's getting better with each passing Age! I can only hope the rest of the world is somewhere along those lines of evolution!

I try whenever I can to tear down or erase the insensitive remarks or attitudes others may hold through cunning and crafty lessons, so that they may indeed see the fault of their ways! It works much of the time and I think we are all the better for it!

On a personal note, given what I have just said..which wasn't conveyed half as well as I had hope for :? , I have dated beautiful women from every imaginable scope! If they engage my interest, I could be damned what religion, colour, culture, social background, or whatever other petty human rationalization we create to intrude on upon my desire to be in their company! Others may allow that to get in the way, but I do not! People are entitled to their opinions as are my family and my mates, but I ultimately have to live my life for me and find my own happiness with whomever I choose! I'd be all up for interspecies dating as well if extraterrestrials were here...lol! I'm just cool with it all is what I am really saying! :wink:

I once had a mate who was from another background who said that it was okay for her to have a fancy for someone who was different from her own cultural background, but that she could never go as far as marrying them regardlesss to if she loved them. Why? Because they we not the same and if she did take a chance and it did not work out, then she and her community would more than likely put blame on the fact that they were unalike and hence incompatible for starters! I then asked her, well if you marry someone from your own background and it still does not work out (which in essence is basically the same situation), what then would she and 'the community' say? She just looked at me blankley and said, then I knew what to expect already as he is of my kind! That my friends is the very thing that makes ignorance bliss and so boldly contradictary and hypocrital!

To quote a line from on of the songs that I like:
'People are people, so why should it be? That you and I should get along so awfully.'

...I can't understand..what makes a man..hate another man...help me understand!'

If we would all spend half the time getting to know our fellow person instead of making excuses of why we can or should not, then we would find that we aren't really that different after all!

It doesn't even really register with me anymore. It's incredibly common in my circle of friends and in the place where I live. Caucasian/Asian marriages are not hard to find in the Seattle area, and being that there is not as much diversity in the population in Seattle as elsewhere in the country, it is not uncommon for interracial marriage between caucasians and other races especially.

I think social environments help people along in their quest for their mate, and a lot of those segregated social environments don't exist in the Seattle area to the extent they do elsewhere, so people mingle more.

ex: my friend, a caucasian 6 foot 3 Texan, made of muscle, just married a petite Chinese woman, a few weeks ago.

Oh, I don't think its about hate when I asked this question, but you answered my question perfectly when you stated that you've not really been turned off, in your own experiences, by cultural barriers. My question was more along those lines. I don't think this necessarily has to do with outright qualms as different interests, sexual roles, and cultural habits. Though this can have to do with socio-economic class too I guess, and maybe even more so. No one could say that different religions/races/ethnicities don't have different esthetic and personality habits that they find more pleasing. Well, what if you don't match those? Than you probably, would just not even think to try it out in the first place. Or, what if you did match those?

I don't know, there is a birds-of-a-feather undertone here which I don't mind, and am not particularly critical of, I just wonder if anyone has experienced it and noticed it. As Eagle said, he just hasn't ever met someone he's interested in. Is that because they don't operate in the same social circles to begin with? Or don't find eachother's habits attractive? I don't think these things are always so contious as "I'm not going to be held back by conservative thinking."

We are all pink on the inside.

My insight is a bit different than most others. I'm bi-racial, to be exact, multi-racial. I never had a preset limitation on whom I could or couldn't date. I don't identify with one race in particular so I base my dating preferences on who laughs the most at my jokes, who I find attractive at that moment, and who shares the same pop culture interest as I do.

It's funny though, because of my skin tone and weird accent, most people can't place my ethnicity. It's usually a guessing game. Makes for a fun evening when meeting her parents turns into Guess Who's Coming To Dinner.

No, no Dolce. You misunderstood what I was saying! I don't think your question was about hate either! (It was just a part of a song that I am fond of and was quoting, but perhaps not the right example.) Rather the excuses that people try to justify their stance on! You say that socio-economic issues fall into play and I say that may be true, but if/when the chance comes about and we find that there may be an interest, do we dismiss or embrace it? That is the question!

We all have to do what makes us happy in this life, but I feel that as loyalfromlondon says, in the end we are all pink on the inside, and even if we were not, it doesn't matter at all to me once you have my interest!

Personality always above all else!

Loyal...you and I think along the same lines as far as this issue is concerned and I would guess on many other issues as well! That my friend, is not suprising though, and you and I both know why! :wink:

Dolce,

I was raised in quite a similar setting as you. My parents both had a quite strict religious upbringing. Mother's family would not have tolerated it, fathers' family (from deep south) would have done worse. Growing up it just never came up from where I lived. And then going to college they mellowed out. So in the time in then I have dated different religions, ethnicities, etc. Dad still might pipe in, but would get hushed in no time at all.

I,personally, find no problem with it, and think it is normal. I do not see color or religion as a deterrent. I admit I am more attracted to some ethnicities more than others, and I would not consider a relationship with someone with whom I would consistently clash over such things as politics or religion. I respect individuals religious doctrines and rights, and while I dont agree with that they mandate, I have found some offensive.

Maybe it was meant for us not to be in New Zealand at the same time. I don't think your country could handle us both.

Cambridge England?

Cambridge, Massachusetts. But isn't that sort of the same place? :wink:

-Dolce

um, they speak the same language, so, i guess so

It was a parallel between Cambridge University and Harvard, I guess I only get it cause I'm from there.

-Dolce

nah.. I got it too. Must be a New England thing

New england too? Where did you live when you were younger before you came over to NYC? What brings you to NY in the first place. Glad someone else got the *inside* joke.

-Dolce

There are beautiful people of all races. To limit yourself to only your own race is stupid.

I am come from a very white town (at least 95% of the people must be white) and it's a very odd thing for people to grasp. I dated a black chick for a short while but it really didn't work out. I do also joke a lot about race and ethnicity.

You're perfectly right about that .. everyone is beautiful and hell, if you find compatibility with someone, it doesn't matter who it is in the end ...

but I don't think I would be too far off to assume that its easier to find that compatibility with someone who belongs to your ... well .. culture .... by culture, i mean not the race, or color or anything .. i mean being brought up in the same cultural environments .... to find compatibility is ofcourse easier in such situations and if you're looking for something long term leading to potential life long commitment, i can see why it would be much tougher to find someone from a differnet background.

Can a suburban white male be able to have a good long term relationship with an ehtiopian woman who's never been to school and has been farming peas for her whole life?

Also, it's all lovely to say eveyone is beautiful, but bABA brings up a good point that how much of your esthetic and personality desires are culturally constructed? I had a friend who came from a very, as she put it, *loud* culture. Talking above the next person, etc. For her, it was an indication of enthusiasm, to alot of people, they just considered her rude. So what I'm getting at is the unconscious drifting of people to similar people. If you find someone rude, you don't speak with them. Its not about if, in theory, you love all ethnicities and cultures. My history has actually tended to go the other way, and I pretty much have yet to meet someone who, lets say, was someone I would have grown up with (in my WASP suburban town). I didn't really fit in there, and I've noticed as an individual, my habits and figure were not attractive to that particular culture (the culture of Northborogh, MA). I'm just thinking out loud here.

-Dolce