The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." President Bush says, "Well, your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do." The Saudi whispers "My young son watches (and loves) this show Star Trek and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."
President Bush sorta chuckled and leaning toward the Saudi, whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future...."

What did the Policeman say to his tummy?

Youre under a vest! lol

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Little Boy Blue.

Little Boy Blue who?

Michael Jackson.

You So Ugly

You so ugly, your mama put you next to a piece of shit and said "Twins!"

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow...

Yo' Mama's teeth are so yellow, her tonsils have to wear sunglasses.

Two Old Ladies

Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."

"What makes you say that?"

"He's using my hand."

What's green and smells like...

What's green and smells like pork?

Kermit's finger

How long does it take a black girl to take a crap?












9 Months.

What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour.

Answer: Kermit in a Blender.

All the toilets at the police station have been stolen....police say theyve nothing to go on. lol

Why did Tigger look in the toilet?













To find Pooh.

Jackie Stallone

If the father is Welsh, and the mother is Hungarian, what does that make the child?



Well-Hung.

Why was Aliyah such a friendly person?













Because she was a plane (plain) down to earth girl.

What? You mean the child would be Italian?

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

Adam and Eve were born in BC: Before Clothing.

good jokes.

Costello buys a Computer from Abbott
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".......

This one is a bit racy.

There is a man who owns a big house, and he has a big wall. So he calls an artist to paint a big Murial on the wall.

So the painter come and asks the man "What kind of painting do you want"

"I want a painting of General Custer's last thoughts" the man replied.

So the painter painted the picture of the wall. After he was done, the man looked at the painting, and what he saw was a pile of poo, and a bunch of Native Americans having sex. The man was angry and said "This isn't art, I said I wanted General Custer's last thoughts."

The painter replied "They are, the last thing on his mind before he died was 'Holy sh--, look at all the f---ing Indians!'"

There was this girl who had a really bad day and decided to go to the top of the Empire State Building and drink at the bar. She gets there and its only her, a guy at the bar, and the bartender. She sits down, and the guy asks, "How are you doing?" The girl replies, "pretty bad, I had a horrible day." The guy then says, "well, you know what I do when I have a horrible day? I jump off the ledge and when you get to the 14th floor a wind tunnel takes you back up to the top, when youre done you forget about all that worried you." She doesnt belive him but he then tells her he will show her after he finisihes his drink. He then jumps off and sure enough getst carred back up to the top. The lady was amazed then tried it. She jumps, gets to the 14th floor but keeps going and smacks into the pavement. The guy goes back into the bar and the bartender says,"Superman, youre an asshole.