Oh, sure. I agree. Using Facebook for this type of thing would be the tactic of teenager. Like texting someone to break up with them. I was just saying that liking someone's photos on Facebook ain't weird at all. Everyone always wants to make out that they don't care about anyone else's life and that they are so focused on just their own shit, but we know this isn't true. People LOVE checking out other people's shit. If I post a photo to Facebook and it gets 8 likes, I can multiply that by three to find the real number of people that checked it and wanted to like it or comment but chose not to because of whatever bullshit reason like not wanting me to know they like or because I didn't like one of their photos or whatever. People are fickle as they try so desperately to own their own reputation. It's pathetic.

How did you start the relationship with them? Didn't you have feelings with them first?

I've had crushes on at least a dozen girls and I never once told any of them due to a fear of rejection and lack of self confidence. If I tell Carlie, it will be the first time ever.

I did. Neither of us has verbalized it up until a bit into the relationship, though. I liked them, liked spending time with them and was attracted to them. For the start, it had to do. See, unlike what this thread may suggest, my previous relationships started more or less impulsively. Maybe that is the wrong word, but in none of the cases except for one maybe did I give it any thought, but just went with the flow. In fact, when I met my last gf I was actually crushing on another girl at the same time (who looks very much like Emma Stone, BTW)...

Thus, though I cannot complain about lack of relationship experience (I have been single for a total of about 2.5 years over the past 14 years), I have never actually "pursued" a girl. It just happened.

Getting over that rejection hurdle is an absolute must when you're a teenager. Learning not to care is the best thing that can ever happen to any person.

I hope you do and it turns out well for you.

Interesting. This is probably my 5th crush ever. I've only had two by the age of 25.

I'm working on it via counseling. It's so hard because I rarely crush on anyone who I'm not already friends with and I don't want it to be weird.

Oh, and about the number it's usually because I have more than one at once. In addition to Carlie, I like two girls at college named Lucy and Jayla (fake names, yes.

I also started early. I never went through an "I hate girls" phase, and I realize many guys don't notice girls till they are teens.

Interesting. All my adult crushes ended with me getting the girl. My final crush became my wife. Two in total. I think. I had a few when I was a child but none of them worked out.

Yes and no. Rejection is an essential part of life. It is important to know how to deal with it. But not not to care. I have a friend who'd just make a play on 75% of the girls that he comes across. Could be several girls in one day. Obviously he is rejected very often, but he couldn't care less. In the end that does get him laid often enough. And.rejections mean nothing to him. It's all cool until you realize that he is so numb emotionally that he is incapable of leading any meaningful long relationship and when he does he cheats on them all the time because that feeling of a conquest is all that matters to him.

Honestly if the girl - whom I henceforth will refer to as Emily - was not a close friend of mine, I would not give it much thought. I'd be more direct with flirting and my intentions and if it didn't work out, so what. On the upside I could still say, that this is the first time since my breakup I actually felt something for another girl. That's progress, right?

But more than the mere rejection itself, I fear losing (or permanently damaging) close contact to a person who is dear to me and who has been there for me in difficult times.

Thinking about it made me realize that there is a common thread through (almost) all of my crushes (at least 4 out of 5). They are "difficult", as in emotionally closed off, aloof, hard to get to know closer without considerable effort and had either no or only very few lasting relationships before. And if I think about it, the only other girl I know that I could imagine becoming interested in (though I am not right now) fits this description perfectly. I guess I have a "type".

uh....Dr. Lecter is into Schizoids/Avoidants?

and because you are discussing it....

Why boost "normal" women egos into unreachable spheres with making everyone of them a social media celebrity ? "Normal" women soon may not want to deal with "normal" men anymore because they think among all those likes is always a better catch than the guy who is actually proposing for her.

Think about it!

Well, things kinda went south. Guess I shouldn't have suggested a third evening together this week.

To sum it up: it seems like she doesn't "know" (at least she says that it's not like she is suspecting that I am further interested in her and I made an on-the-spot call not to tell her otherweise on the phone. I probably would have in person, though) - but though she insists that though she really really likes spending time with me, she feels like it is getting a bit too much recently and would like more space. (she texted me, then we talked on the phone for a bit)

Red alert red alert! You are about to enter the Friend zone!

Enter it?

Well... space is what she will have, then. I mean, unless you pull what you did with the ex and write her a letter every day for the rest of her life.

This reminds me of the time a few months after my divorce. I became really good friends with a very attractive girl at work, had lunch every day, texted. Then one day probably 2 months into it, I finally got up enough courage to ask her to dinner. She said blah blah blah, wasn't interested in a relationship like that, REJECTED. Have talked to her maybe twice since then.

C'est la vie.

You waited too long man. You needed to focus on the quality and not the quantity of time. Sorry to hear that. So you never said anything? I can't said I ever had someone I consider a close friend tell me basically fuck off for a extended period time before. That makes me feel like you should have just gone for it, your views on the closeness of the friendship seem different.


Don't be discouraged though, just let it slide and start hooking up with other girls, maybe you can make her jealous

That sucks and it pretty much sounds like the death knell to developing things further with her. It quite sounds like she does not feel about you like you do about her. So at least now you know, that if you make your feelings clear, rejection is imminent.

Meaning, it probably is best to move on?

If she brought up the idea of you being interested in her (even if to say she doesn't suspect it), it's almost surely because she suspects you're interested in her

She didn't bring it up. I did (to deny it)

What?

Considering the crush has essentially lasted for about a month so far, I doubt anyone can file it under "waiting too long". And she didn't tell me to fuck off for an extended period of time since we are going to see each other this week and most likely next week again. Just not every other night.

Dude, I've written my ex a total of 4 letters, 3 of which she received at once.

Well either way, any discussion on the topic lets the cat out of the bag (that it was most likely never in since she went to sushi with you)

What does sushi have to do with anything? It was her idea, not mine. I don't particularly like sushi.

And I really don't believe the cat is out of the bag in the way you think. Unless she knows I lied and replied to my lie with another lie. Because right now the official status is me letting her think I am not interested and her supposedly not thinking that in the first place (so she said after my reassurance). If it had not been on the phone, I would have told her otherwise.