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 Dilemmas and Decisions 
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Post Dilemmas and decisions
Ah, yes, I'm pulling another zwackerm and discussing my life's issues with you guys. Not because I necessarily expect life-shattering advice or super thoughtful insight (though both are welcome) or even too many giving a fuck, but because I find that talking or writing about things that are on my mind helps me to put them more into perspective and partly get them off my mind. Another reason is that though my friends circle is fairly large it is also very close-knit and given that it is about one of my friends, I am a bit wary of discussing it with most of my close friends for the moment in order to avoid any awkward situations. Gossip spreads very fast around these parts ;)

Anyway, to break this down to the basics. I am still reeling from my break-up recently and it'd be a lie to say that I am still not hung up on my ex or don't have feelings or (futile) hope. Thus, I would say that my emotions in general might be a little off-balance compared to normal, which makes the situation more complicated. The situation being that I find myself more and more attracted to a good female friend of mine. I have known her for some years now, initially through her sister (who is also one of my best friends), but we became good friends in our own right. We have been hanging out more and more together recently (last night we went out partying together on Christmas Eve, since my family doesn't celebrate and she is not much into Christmas dinners herself). It's the third time we went partying/dancing together on Christmas Eve, though the first time that I was actually single at the time.

We get along very well. She's a very shy, fairly introverted person when you don't know her well and talks very little, but we can talk for hours. Thing is also: she is gorgeous. As in: absolutely fucking stunning and it is no coincidence that she has been modelling as a hobby for several years. Clearly out of my league looks-wise too (think that film with Alice Eve and Jay Baruchel, yeah). Of course I always knew she was beautiful, but that is not the reason why became friends. We just got along with each other very well. Being single, however, the attraction is starting to grow considerably stronger.

However, I am very wary of making any sort of move whatsoever. First because I treasure our friendship and I think that once a certain line is crossed or certain things are said or done, it is difficult to get back where you were before. I have been there before, having rejected advances from another female friend of mine some years back (despite her being very attractive too) and that was the best decision I could have made because we would have never grown this close as friends had I acted upon it back then. Second, I am also not sure whether my attraction right now is "real" or stems from the chaotic post-break-up feelings. Trying to figure that out because the last thing I want to do is jeopardize a friendship while acting on some fleeting feelings. Basically my reason keeps telling me to leave things as they are, but it is getting increasingly harder to listen to the inner voice of reason, while spending more and more time together. And, I cannot stress this enough, she just looks too damn good to keep that fact out of the equation.

And before someone asks how she might be seeing it - she is not an easy person to "read" and she would never be the one to make a first move towards a guy. I mean she has never had to, dudes are flocking to her like bees to honey. Every single time I was away from her last night even for a minute, I'd come back to find at least one dude trying to make a move on her, heh.

Jeez, this turned out longer than I expected.

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Sun Dec 25, 2016 4:01 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
You need an acoustic guitar to go with all these feelings bro.

For real though, if you really like her don't make her your rebound girl. Go have sex with someone else and come back to the issue with a clear head.

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Sun Dec 25, 2016 7:34 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
What Flava said. Don't ruin a good friendship

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Sun Dec 25, 2016 9:16 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Dr. Lecter wrote:
absolutely fucking stunning


Feel I have to ask, picture?


Sun Dec 25, 2016 9:33 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Comes down to degrees. How good of a friend she is, how interested in a long term relationship you would be with her

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Sun Dec 25, 2016 10:16 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Make a move.

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Sun Dec 25, 2016 10:23 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
you're likely already friendzoned, so it's probably best to leave things as they are. if you really feel the need to make a move then tell her your feelings, but she'll likely be surprised more than anything. to her you're just a friend, not a potential partner.

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Sun Dec 25, 2016 10:47 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
I'd say talk to her. If she really is a good friend, no matter what you'll be able to talk about it, and not ruin anything. It's happened to me before from the other side. I absolutely loved having this girl as my friend. She wanted more, and we had a few moments here and there, but in the end I never wanted to proceed with her on that level. She understood, moved on and is in a great relationship now, and we still hang out when we can.

Don't do anything unexpectedly physical, it needs to be a conversation. I guess all that really matters if you are rejected, are you going to make it weird?

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Sun Dec 25, 2016 11:55 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Drill a hole in your bathroom door. Wait for her to take a wee. Put your dick through it.

Then you'll instantly know if she feels the same.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 12:02 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Or invite her round to yours. Get naked. Lay on the bed with just banana covering your penis.

Everyone likes bananas. She'll eat it and she won't know where to stop.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 12:15 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Or give her this as a Christmas present:

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If she doesn't take the hint, ditch her.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 12:16 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Have you ever been out with just her, or has it always been with other friends around as well?

Dr. Lecter wrote:
I have been there before, having rejected advances from another female friend of mine some years back (despite her being very attractive too) and that was the best decision I could have made because we would have never grown this close as friends had I acted upon it back then.

This might be different though, it seems this is after the fact, even after you rejected her you were still friends, that seems to have ended well. So being rejected now should not just be the end of anything right?

Also why would that be the best decision, maybe if you took a step further at the time you would still be in a relationship with her now...but I guess there are other things anyway that don't make you see yourself with that other female friend.

Dr. Lecter wrote:
I am a bit wary of discussing it with most of my close friends for the moment in order to avoid any awkward situations


I think the best think you could do still would be to confide in someone you're close enough with, who's also her friend to just test the waters in some way, before you undertake any actions.
If it appears she's obviously not interested you could always go the "I was just joking way" to avoid any further awkward situations.

Finally if she's really a good friend, I think this is something you should be able to bring up in some way. But also, what do you want exactly? I guess you want to get physical with her, but I think it's best if you can really get to know her and your own feeling better for that, because otherwise, yeah this could cost you the friendship.

Well, just some of my thoughts.


Mon Dec 26, 2016 1:57 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
stuffp wrote:
I think the best think you could do still would be to confide in someone you're close enough with.


Yeah, maybe his ex.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 4:36 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
stuffp wrote:
Dr. Lecter wrote:
absolutely fucking stunning


Feel I have to ask, picture?


Yeah, no.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 7:25 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Shack wrote:
Comes down to degrees. How good of a friend she is, how interested in a long term relationship you would be with her


Well, this isn't exaclty math. Pretty good friend and as for the latter, I do not know yet.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 7:27 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Algren wrote:
Drill a hole in your bathroom door. Wait for her to take a wee. Put your dick through it.

Then you'll instantly know if she feels the same.


Well, I was actually going for the dick in the popcorn box trick since there is no drill required...

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 7:29 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Dr. Lecter wrote:
Algren wrote:
Drill a hole in your bathroom door. Wait for her to take a wee. Put your dick through it.

Then you'll instantly know if she feels the same.


Well, I was actually going for the dick in the popcorn box trick since there is no drill required...


Algren wrote:
Or invite her round to yours. Get naked. Lay on the bed with just banana covering your penis.

Everyone likes bananas. She'll eat it and she won't know where to stop.


Dunno, haven't seen bananas this large yet :P

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 7:30 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
stuffp wrote:
Have you ever been out with just her, or has it always been with other friends around as well?


Most of the times it is just the two of us.

stuffp wrote:
This might be different though, it seems this is after the fact, even after you rejected her you were still friends, that seems to have ended well. So being rejected now should not just be the end of anything right?


Maybe. Though in that other case we haven't been friends for nearly as long as in this one.

stuffp wrote:
Also why would that be the best decision, maybe if you took a step further at the time you would still be in a relationship with her now...but I guess there are other things anyway that don't make you see yourself with that other female friend.


Many factors at play here, lt's just say that I am absolutely certain it was for the best. I was physically attracted to her, but emotionally I was more interested in a different girl at the same time (who ended up becoming my girlfriend short afterwards). Also the aforementioned friend was drunk every time she made her advances. Not a good set-up.

stuffp wrote:
I think the best think you could do still would be to confide in someone you're close enough with, who's also her friend to just test the waters in some way, before you undertake any actions.


The only person I know who is a good friend to me and knows her really well and is her sister. Who is ironically also the aforementioned friend. You can see why that would be extremely awkward. There are two of my close friends who I am definitely going to talk to about this, but alas they are gonna over Christmas.

stuffp wrote:
Finally if she's really a good friend, I think this is something you should be able to bring up in some way. But also, what do you want exactly? I guess you want to get physical with her, but I think it's best if you can really get to know her and your own feeling better for that, because otherwise, yeah this could cost you the friendship.


And this is exactly the question that I am trying to answer to myself. At least half of my friends are girls, well over a dozen. And though friendships between guys and girls can be difficult for some, they have worked out perfectly for me. This, right now, is really the only one that I am starting to feel attracted to on a different level. I am undeniably interested, just not sure to what extent. As I said, good looks are certainly a strong influence here. When I told to some friends of mine in the past that we're just friends, I heard comments like "What the fuck are you talking about?! Have you fucking looked at her? How can you even think straight while hanging out with her?!" All I do know is that showing any sort of interest in a new girl is at least a good sign as far as my letting go of the old relationship, so there is definitely a silver lining here either way.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 7:42 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Dr. Lecter wrote:
Algren wrote:
Drill a hole in your bathroom door. Wait for her to take a wee. Put your dick through it.

Then you'll instantly know if she feels the same.


Well, I was actually going for the dick in the popcorn box trick since there is no drill required...


Yes! That's perfect. Do it. DO IT.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 8:21 am
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
I'd say just keep being friends, don't overdo anything like a "boyfriend" would do. If the relationship grows into something more, I'd think there would be something coming from her, no matter how hard she is to read.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 1:08 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
Chippy wrote:
I'd say just keep being friends, don't overdo anything like a "boyfriend" would do. If the relationship grows into something more, I'd think there would be something coming from her, no matter how hard she is to read.


Well, the thing is that someone like her would not stay single for a long time. As far as she is concerned, I have also yet to show anything from my side that indicates any potential interest whatsoever beyond a friendship, so this might be an issue both ways.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 1:24 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
How would you rate your own attractiveness?

I would definitely wait until you are over your ex.

And I'm certainly jealous. I have a few girl friends who are "absolutely fucking stunning" but no one who I'm that close to.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 1:46 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
How would you rate your own attractiveness?

I would definitely wait until you are over your ex.

And I'm certainly jealous. I have a few girl friends who are "absolutely fucking stunning" but no one who I'm that close to.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 1:46 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
When I take the time to go to the gym regularly and work out, probably a 7-8. Right now it is is probably 6-6.5.

I have three absolutely amazing looking girls as fairly close friends, two of them are sisters. A long while back during a party I told one of them (not the one that this thread is about) that both of them drew a jackpot in the genetic lotto. She thought it was very sweet, the same night she asked me to come over to her place, but I declined (after a short, but very intense inner battle with myself). Ever since then, however, we grew close to become such good friends that at this point, though I objectively know that she looks good, it is impossible for me to think of her in any other way than a friend. She's like a sister to me. Her sister on the other hand...that's different.

And the third girl, ironically also single, looks amazing and pretty much every single guy in our friends group has been after her in the past, to no avail. And though I certainly find her very attractive, I also know that she is very complicated and that effectively deters me from having any further interest.

And I don't know what there is to be jealous over. In fact, worst case, the very good looks (and resulting attraction) make a friendship just unnecessarily complicated. Best case, looks don't matter in the friendship.

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Mon Dec 26, 2016 2:10 pm
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Post Re: Dillemas and decisions
It sounds like you are closer to the girl who invited you to her place than the one in the original post. I would go after the former if she's the girl you're most emotinally connected to right now in your life, or neither

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