Oy. Where to begin.

I'm not exactly the biggest fan of this franchise (the third is the only entry I'd say I somewhat enjoyed myself in, and the first and fourth have their moments, but I've never really seen the appeal) so I went into this with pretty low expectations. However, it was a free screening in IMAX 3D and I figured it could at least be passable as dumb summer entertainment. Boy was I wrong. This is hands down the worst movie in the entire series, so much that it makes the others look like masterpieces in comparison. It's also easily a contender for one of the year's worst films.

There's really nothing about this movie that works. As per usual with this franchise, it's painfully overlong - but much like last year's Batman v. Superman it has this weird feeling of both feeling undercooked and overcooked at the same time. Almost every line of dialogue is expository and the plot moves along at such a rapid-fire pace that it's very hard to keep up. But the overall storyline is absolutely ridiculous and stupid, and culminates in an 'end of the world' battle that we've seen a thousand times before in better, more coherent movies.

Bumblebee near the end of the film has one of the worst lines of dialogue I've ever heard in a film, but that's just one of the many awful, cringeworthy attempts at humor or catchphrases that this movie tries to throw at the audience. In addition to that the racist Transformer caricatures are back in full swing, as well as bizarre vocal cameos from the likes of Steve Buscemi for characters that seem to exist for no other reason than to sell toys. And let's not even talk about the unbelievably embarrassing Anthony Hopkins dialogue. I have no idea why he agreed to be in this movie other than a hefty paycheck but his performance here is destined to put him at the top of any Razzie Award contender list. It's so painful to watch, especially for such a respected actor who just had a bit of a renaissance last year on television with "Westworld."

The rest of the cast is expectedly awful. Mark Wahlberg seems to be playing a variation on his Ted character here and the characterization of Cade Yeager (ugh) this time around feels completely different than the last film. He sleepwalks through this movie. Laura Haddock seems to be added here as an attempt by Michael Bay to please those who have called the past few films sexist - but the character is so lazily put together and feels like some half-assed attempt to replicate Rachel Weisz's character in The Mummy or something. She's also of course shot with that typical creepy leer that the previous films had. Isabella Moner, despite being a focal point of the advertising, actually has a fairly small role and while she's fine the character is annoying (and her other friends at the beginning of the film are insufferable). Returning players such as Josh Duhamel and John Turturro get nothing to do.

The film is so visually ugly and unappealing too. The only action sequence I even found remotely clever was when Haddock's character is brought to the castle, but for someone who should be in his wheelhouse here Michael Bay is running on fumes. The final half hour is hideous to look at and cobbled together. The main villain is also laughable and poorly designed. Even the prologue sequence that gives him a bit of a different palette to work with feels like a second rate "Game of Thrones" episode.

This movie just feels like a blatant ripoff of so many things that were popular in the past year or two. There is a scene that is directly lifted from Suicide Squad for example, you'll know it when it happens and it's terrible. The kids at the beginning feel very derivative of "Stranger Things" and almost feel added in in reshoots. The robots feel like Star Wars ripoffs. All of that feels like it's been thrown into a blender with a paper thin plot set in the Transformers universe and a cliffs-notes version of the King Arthur story.

It's clear that the studio and Michael Bay clearly don't give a fuck about trying to make these movies actually enjoyable summer blockbusters, so I know this is moot, but you can do so much better than this dreck this summer. D-

I don't know how it could be worse than the second one, but hearing that it is, kind of has me intrigued. I'll either wait for iTunes like I did with the last one or try to catch it for free while doing a trailer check.

Quick question: How pervy are the shots of that teenage girl running around? In the trailer it seems like Bay knows he can't film her in the same way he did Fox, but he also clearly didn't tell her to strap things in like any rational adult would of. Does it also have a problem of trying to militarize kids?

Worst of the series, intrigues me, how low can it go? The final hour was anyways bad/insufferable in the last movie.

The girl isn't really shot poorly (it's implied over and over again that she's a kid) but the female professor is definitely shot in a typical Bay way.

I came to the decision half way during this movie that, barring incredible once-a-decade reviews, this is the last Transformers film I will ever see in any format. I will not even bother reading a plot synopsis on Wikipedia. As my mind glazed over during the rapid-fire explanation of the Transformers secret history, I realized—between the aspect ratio shifting no less than 200 times, almost no instances of Transformers fighting each other, a sequence taken straight out of Suicide Squad, another worthless Mark Walberg performance, unbearably bad scenes with Tony Hale, and completely pointless cameos—that no matter who is at the helm of films that exist in this franchise, they are certain to not be a net positive experience for me. Anthony Hopkins and his butler did have me cackling like a maniac (and occasionally, it was intentional!), so hurray for small miracles.

The last hour is somehow even worse. Optimus Prime, who the marketing has insisted is the primary villain, is in the movie for about 20 minutes. He spends 5 of these as a bad guy, with a face turn brought about in a way very reminiscent of the "Martha Moment" in BvS. There is a sheer scale to the action that is unprecedented for the series, but that turns out to be more window dressing than anything. One of the main battles of the finale is essentially a poor imitation of any WW2 storming-the-beach/fortress sequence with modern weapons and giant robots, with the main focus on these insufferable human characters. Insanely, Optimus Prime spends most of this sequence out of frame flying on the back of Dragonstorm. The movie does not bother to explain exactly what he was doing prior, and so it comes off as he lets the rest of the heroes get destroyed for no reason. Quintessa is so poorly developed as a villain she makes some of the worst MCU villains seem nuanced, and the mid-credits scene confirming her survival felt like one final twist of the knife

This was not quite the worst of the franchise for me, by virtue of Revenge of the Fallen barely functioning as a film and containing two of the most offensive characters in recent history. But I can imagine there will be, and are, many that will feel this is Michael Bay's worst effort to date. It's very, very, very bad.

F

They didn't just feel like ripoffs, they ARE ripoffs.



The design of the human drones are literally this.

So... the few positives. The action looked good. The length, while still way too damn long, did not feel as bad as the last three.

The editing felt really, really choppy in the first half. Also everything involving the little girl... totally unnecessary to the film. They could've cut all of that plot out and just focused on the and that would've made a shorter but more focused movie but... yeah lol

http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/revi ... ie-w488595

A ZERO star review

Absolutely worst editing, too damn long and incoherent movie. Its just (random) scenes fitted to make a movie specially the first two halves. For such a LONG movie everything also feels rushed. The middle act with Merlin's arc and the bantering between Cade and Vivian was good but its short lived. The first act is decent enough but that feels completely unnecessary for the finale. The final act is plain old Transformers movie this time with poor editing and surprising for such a long fight the actual useful part of "creator" is poorly handled and I still have no idea why this was called "The Last Knight" or why Cade was required here aside from the side story which is absolutely unnecessary in the end (Did someone predict that Optimus would need saving?). Its another Transformers movie that exchanged too many hands at script and editing level which makes for one of the worse experience in the series.

From direction perspective this is a new low for Bay after a decent Benghazi movie, might be his worst effort ever.

3/10

I do agree with this being the perfect description of how I felt as well. With BvS though I felt they were trying too hard to make it a masterpiece. Here they don't seem to be trying that but its more like each writer has one good idea, let's make a video of that and put it in a 2 hour Transformer movie.

The most ridiculous being Megatron seeking release of characters and we see their flashy subtitled introduction for sake of selling merchandise and then all of them are destroyed in their first battle with Optimus less Autobots gang. A whole lot of this feels like either Paramount has too much intervention or Bay has completely lost the mojo and was not at all interested in making this at all

Should the next Transformers film just take place in China with one, maybe two big American actors amidst a cast of Chinese actors

Transformers: The Last Knight is a big unfocused mess. While the core story might have been enough for a good Transformers movie, there is so much extraneous crap larded on top that it collapses under the strain. Even the ever reliable Mark Wahlberg is forced to resort to screaming his lines to be heard over the fray. On the plus side, much of it looked fabulous in IMAX (though it makes me sad that we can't occasionally harness this level of splendid audio-visual technology to some good old-fashioned storytelling). And this is coming from someone who absolutely loved Age of Extinction. It appears that Earth may have reached peak-Transformers in 2014. *D*

Two words: aspect ratio. Holy shit. I have a very, very basic understanding of the idea of the aspect ratio switching when an IMAX camera is utilized (I know The Dark Knight does this), but here it seriously switches every five seconds. Five shots covering one incident—say, soldiers running forward and beginning to shoot—will be in two or three different aspect ratios. It even alternates during a shot-reverse-shot two-character conversation.

Faint praise: this is a bit superior to Revenge of the Fallen and Age of Extinction, so it is a mediocre-to-bad film, but not the worst Transformers film. There are a few elements I modestly admire: Mark Wahlberg is more comfortable than in the prior film, now just portraying a brooding, committed-without-question action hero rather than a family man and "inventor" who is "in over his head." And this is an incredibly low bar, but Laura Haddock's character is the best, God forgive me, Transformers Girl to date. She has a certain sprightly charisma and transcends Michael Bay's limited conception of the character: an Oxford professor distinguished by her tight skirts and infrequently-worn eyeglasses. And none other than Sir Anthony Hopkins devours his fair share of scenery as an eccentric, Transformers-obsessed aristocrat with a robotic butler; this is an example of the franchise finding a clever, fun B-movie note to play rather than just pummeling and piling on. Sadly, though, The Last Knight largely follows its predecessors' lead. To its detriment. It is a punishing two-and-a-half hours long, which only seems merciful compared to the three-hour fourth film. There is so much B.S. which could be cut: these small-by-themselves tangents—consider Tony Hale's character, an unnamed NASA physicist who yells at screens (set up as a nerd whose faith in science over courage and muscle will be his downfall)—which, cumulatively, engorge the overall enterprise. The humor, as ever, is chiefly cringe-worthy. The nadir in this entry may be what is understood to be a black Transformer shouting, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank Megatron almighty, free at last!" Bay's directorial vision has also, I feel, devolved over the course of ten years and five Transformers films; he seems bored in a way he never did from 1995 to 2005. Oh, sure he is able to indulge his love of filming explosions and cars and sunset-lit Americana, but so much is presented with a type of shrug (oh, there's a three-headed robot dragon; oh, they are stealing a submarine; oh, two planets are going to, I don't know, collide). He rarely, or even never, concerns himself with generating awe or dread or utilizing his cast's screen presences. It is just the same content, the same scale, the same rhythm, for the entire indulgent length. The director who once sent the tantalizing odd couple of Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery to Alcatraz or staged cinema's most body-strewn car chase in Bad Boys II would be sad to see the dearth of enthusiasm in his older self's latest purported spectacle.

D

Isn't it quite rare for the same director to make all the films in a big, tent-pole franchise such as this? And what's even more rare is that these films are not really held in high regard. That's commendable. Usually the studio would have replaced the director a few times already.

Two similar situations I can recall are Peter Jackson directing six Lord of the Rings/Hobbit movies and David Yates directing five Harry Potter/Fantastic Beasts movies (with another to come).

After Dark of the Moon was the natural point for Bay to move on. But alas.

But those franchises were far better received than Transformers ever has been. And Jackson directed those in two lots of three films - it is not the same as Bay doing five individual projects with years in-between for studios to kick him out. I just think it's remarkable that he's stayed with it, and it has kind of defined his career now, unfortunately marring his reputation (general public forget action greats like The Rock, Bad Boys and Pearl Harbor), turning him into a meme.

While I am sure this film is full of product placement, it is not as noticeable as it was in past Transformers, particularly the fourth. Which is almost disappointing. Because it is fun to see Bay find ways to frame a lavish action shot around, say, a sunlit Pepsi billboard.

The most obvious moment here is Wahlberg's character having a robot to bring him...can't remember if it was a Coors or a Bud. And at one point, despite this portion of the film being set in South Dakota, his teenage-girl pal sips from what seems to be a Chinese-brand milk carton.

It's a Bud Light.

It's a fun franchise. I am pleased it's not been hacked up by multiple directors. The series keeps its tone, music, cinematography, style all the way through. Bay is the best in the business at capturing swooping sunset lens-flared, slo-mo action.

The Transformer franchise sure does love Cisco. Is there any placement in the fifth? And what about ShuHua Milk?

Which is also features in Age of Extinction.

Transformers: The Last Knight

It is a mess. While it is not a major issue, the film is overlong, which is fine under normal Transformer circumstances (give me a three-hour destruction with Optimus battling Megatron ala Age of Extinction any day of the week), but this film is constantly stopping and starting in its attempt to make sense of its high-concept ambitions. It forgets to be awesome. It forgets to give us a coherent story. Bay just keeps screwing up (what was up with switching the aspect ratio every 10 seconds??). The Last Knight reminded me so much of Revenge of the Fallen. It really lays on the comedy. Some of it works, most of it doesn't. But it just isn't needed at all. You have more little Transformers making gags, bigger-boobed Daisy Ridley copy, Laura Haddock, bantering with Wahlberg, and an irritating Transformer butler! The film is junk. Anthony Hopkins shows up and it slightly improves, but not enough. His character is a bit quirky but it works so well just because it's Anthony Hopkins! And John Turturro is the single most pointless strain though this franchise - his character should just be completely cut out of this film.

There are some visually spectacular shots in the film (Optimus kicking Megatron out of the spaceship, Optimus decapitating a bunch of Transformer knights all at once, the strands of Cybertron collapsing on the English countryside etc.), but these are few and far between, and there isn't much substance to tie everything together. We're not watching with interest, we're watching for it to end and to see the visuals. The biggest sin of all is that Optimus Prime isn't even in the film for most of it. Neither is Megatron. They both miss the bulk of the film, just coming back for the finale, so we are yet again denied the conclusion to the Optimus/Megatron story. And he's not even called Optimus Prime. He is referred to as Nemesis Prime. Also, for a film with such a run-time, they really should have covered more ground in connecting it to the fourth film. Besides a small line about Nicola Peltz being in college, she is disregarded. So is Jack Reynor. It's stupid. I'd have preferred a continuation of that story rather than a detour to England with Stonehenge and the knights of the fucking round table. Where is Stanley Tucci (I do not mean Merlin, I mean the funny inventor from the fourth!)? And what the fuck happened to Galvatron? That also isn't explained. Megatron just shows up as he was in the third movie. It is as if the fourth did not happen (though the Dinobot is present). And what about that mid-credits scene with the female mentioning Unicron? We have Megatron that isn't even taken care of yet, and you're already introducing another new character. Cool name, but come on! Finish what you started.

Such a disappointment.

D

List:

1. Transformers B+
1. Transformers: Dark of the Moon B+
1. Transformers: Age of Extinction B+
4. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen D+
5. Transformers: The Last Knight D