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Friends with benefits
http://worldofkj.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=90869		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  publicenemy#1 [ Thu Jan 02, 2025 2:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Friends with benefits
Tell me your stories anyone who has dealt with this fuckfest. I am currently dealing with a person I like proposing just this to me after confessing my feelings. Pretty bummed, and honestly I know it's not a good idea but just curious if anyone has any stories.
Author:  zwackerm [ Thu Jan 02, 2025 3:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
I obviously have no experience but that sounds awful.
Author:  publicenemy#1 [ Thu Jan 02, 2025 3:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
I know. I pretty much feel like I was built up to think this person liked me but looking back it makes sense that pretty much just sex was the priority. Definitely feel like an idiot.
Author:  Darth Indiana Bond [ Thu Jan 02, 2025 7:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
I have always been in a committed relationship and am now married with kids. Closest was an older girl that I only loosely dated. But it was too short to be a friends with benefits scenario or an actual relationship
Author:  Shack [ Thu Jan 02, 2025 9:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
I specialize in girls that put up walls and play games even after they have feelings for you so I can't help you much here.
Author:  publicenemy#1 [ Fri Jan 03, 2025 3:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
Alright well then... if you were in a situation where you wanted a relationship with someone but they just wanted sex, would you just do it despite it pretty much certain to end badly?

I've talked to a lot of friends already and I already know the answer is "don't do it!!!" but unfortunately you become illogical when it comes to this... sigh
Author:  Rev [ Fri Jan 03, 2025 8:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
publicenemy#1 wrote:
Tell me your stories anyone who has dealt with this fuckfest. I am currently dealing with a person I like proposing just this to me after confessing my feelings. Pretty bummed, and honestly I know it's not a good idea but just curious if anyone has any stories.


Oh that’s not good :( I feel for you. Don’t go that path. You’re going to hate yourself.
I’ve had the occasional sex with a friend usually after a night of drinking. It didn’t change anything cause we didn’t have “feelings” for each other like that.
Author:  Algren [ Fri Jan 03, 2025 11:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
Screw her, dude. She does not deserve you.
Author:  zwackerm [ Fri Jan 03, 2025 11:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
Algren wrote:
Screw her, dude. She does not deserve you.


Not that it really matters but I think it’s a man right?

From my worldview I’d never have sex with someone I didn’t love but if your morals allow and you just want to do it with this person and you can handle it, it’s up to you.
Author:  publicenemy#1 [ Fri Jan 03, 2025 12:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
LOL. Yes I am a gay man.

I think it's just bizarre because I've told countless people not to be stupid and know your worth when it comes to these situations, meanwhile when you're actually experiencing it realizing there's just feeling no logic.
Author:  Steve [ Fri Jan 03, 2025 9:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
I feel for you. Can be so delicious but painful to have strong feelings for someone, only to have them not reciprocated. And unfortunately, logical mind and emotional heart can be terrible at communicating with one another.

Honestly it sounds like you “know” (rationally) what’s best for you… that continuing down that path will only increase the pain and heartbreak. And yet, how can you say no to continuing to see and sleep with someone you love? even if it’s not returned. that little bit of hopefulness, maybe their feelings will change (which is true but I’m guessing very unlikely). Maybe you need to keep seeing them in whatever capacity they’re available, until you just can’t anymore. You’ll know.
Author:  publicenemy#1 [ Fri Jan 03, 2025 9:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
Steve wrote:
I feel for you. Can be so delicious but painful to have strong feelings for someone, only to have them not reciprocated. And unfortunately, logical mind and emotional heart can be terrible at communicating with one another.

Honestly it sounds like you “know” (rationally) what’s best for you… that continuing down that path will only increase the pain and heartbreak. And yet, how can you say no to continuing to see and sleep with someone you love? even if it’s not returned. that little bit of hopefulness, maybe their feelings will change (which is true but I’m guessing very unlikely). Maybe you need to keep seeing them in whatever capacity they’re available, until you just can’t anymore. You’ll know.


Thank you for the heartfelt (and well written!) response :) i really appreciate it. the fact that your response has me on the edge of tears shows how much of a bad idea it is to follow through lolol

My decision for now is to not initiate anything (literally almost broke this lol) and just live. My mind is a lot better than days ago so I think I've come to accept whatever it is for what it is and know that I'm responsible for whatever happens now. (... but not fully... since I'm sure he knows he's taking advantage of a vulnerable person lol)
Author:  Steve [ Wed Jan 08, 2025 4:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
aww I’m glad my words resonated :heart: Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.

I’m a therapist so I know empathy can go a long way. And that things are often way more nuanced and complex than simple binaries we’re taught (good/bad, healthy/unhealthy, love/not love etc.).

Take care of yourself and your heart first and foremost.
Author:  publicenemy#1 [ Mon Mar 10, 2025 7:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
Not that you guys need an update, but I decided not to reach out to the dude and haven't spoke to him in a month and a half. Honestly still affected by it but whatever, time heals everything. Logic is slowly starting to form in the sense that why would I be so hung up on someone who doesn't want me and can't even provide bare minimum of what I want in a partner. so ya. Truly crazy what some attention can do to someone.
Author:  Rev [ Mon Mar 10, 2025 9:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
publicenemy#1 wrote:
Not that you guys need an update, but I decided not to reach out to the dude and haven't spoke to him in a month and a half. Honestly still affected by it but whatever, time heals everything. Logic is slowly starting to form in the sense that why would I be so hung up on someone who doesn't want me and can't even provide bare minimum of what I want in a partner. so ya. Truly crazy what some attention can do to someone.


:hug:
Author:  zwackerm [ Mon Mar 10, 2025 11:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
Good to hear you’re doing ok! Sounds rough but you’re handling it well.
Author:  Excel [ Wed Mar 12, 2025 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
Don't do it. Don't. People that are really into it are not in a place where they would make a good partner. For real, stay away. You and the guy are very different wave lengths.

We also know you from KJ. You're worth the partners you want, 100%. This ain't it.
Author:  publicenemy#1 [ Thu Apr 17, 2025 1:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
Thank you for the kind responses. :)

I have been doing relatively well but I actually ran into him randomly the other day and it very much has kinda made me spiral. :tears: so yeah, that sucks lol. I feel pretty shitty but I guess I just need to accept how I feel and eventually it will fade.
Author:  Excel [ Thu Apr 24, 2025 10:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
publicenemy#1 wrote:
Thank you for the kind responses. :)

I have been doing relatively well but I actually ran into him randomly the other day and it very much has kinda made me spiral. :tears: so yeah, that sucks lol. I feel pretty shitty but I guess I just need to accept how I feel and eventually it will fade.


Love yourself above all. :wub2:
Author:  Thegun [ Fri Apr 25, 2025 9:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Friends with benefits
Never really worked out for me, never in a really bad way, but never really got a serious relationship out of it. Friendship and love are very different dynamics, hard to force. Never lost a friend over it though I’m laidback when it came to those type of emotions. What you want is someone you love that can become your best friend, then you have legit friend with benefits. The other way is a rough shortcut, unless you aren’t really friends, and secretly all along the goal was to bang, then you have nothing to lose and won’t care if you never speak again. You have to really look at the friendship. 3 times in my life I said no to girls in my bed that were friends that literally threw themselves at me, and after a few minutes I had to stop it because I knew we could either do that but I knew I didn’t feel that way about them and it wouldn’t be right and they’d end up hating me. Of course one ended up hating me anyone because I embarrassed them. Lol, in many way friendships are more finicky then relationships. I would recommend this over someone at where you work though.
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