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KJ Singles Club!
http://worldofkj.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=85852		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  zwackerm [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:03 am ]
Post subject:  KJ Singles Club!
Hey so who here is all single? I unfortunately still am. It’s quite difficult to see my friends coupling up and not having as much time for me anymore. There just aren’t that many women out there who are single and worth pursuing. I have a prospect right now, but I’m not too optimistic. She’s probably friend zoned me.

It’s ironic because I definitely talk to girls and go out of my way to be friends with them far more than any of my friends who’ve found someone have. They seem to just stumble upon their soulmate while I try to meet as many girls as possible but nothing happens with any of them. Whenever I like someone and seriously think they could be the one, they never agree. The last girl had become like my best friend and she doesn’t even talk to me anymore.

And please no “you’re probably gay” jokes, this is meant as a serious post.
Author:  Flava'd vs The World [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
All my married family and friends:

“Dude I wanted to do X but my wife/husband would have got pissed off so I just did she/he wanted instead.”

Pass. :)
Author:  stuffp [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Becoming friends with a girl is a great first step, but in order to have a girl want more from you, you have to act somewhat indifferent to her interest, cancel a meet-up, etc.
I haven't dated for a long while, that I'm not sure about a whole gameplan, but, and it seems you know this already, the worst thing you can do is trying to be her best friend.
Author:  stuffp [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Flava'd vs The World wrote:
“Dude I wanted to do X but my wife/husband would have got pissed off so I just did she/he wanted instead.”


I'm married, and yeah, that's me (too)...a relationship is a trade-off.
Author:  Flava'd vs The World [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 12:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
This could always change, but the girls I pursue sexually have a certain .. disposability to them. A younger me very much wanted the Jim/Pam, Fry/Leela, Ted/Robin type of relationship where you are best friends, then you bang and live happily ever after. I’ve had that will they/won’t they connection so many times that I’ve become numb to it though. How can the feelings be that important when I just felt the same thing about somebody else 2 hours ago? And even when it works out like it would on TV (lets say 1 out of every 5 times), its never the absolute satisfaction I crave and by the time the first conflict of how to spend time pops up I’m checked out. Keeping your real female friends separate from your sexy time friends is key to a healthy mental life.
Author:  Shack [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 1:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Still only attracting emotionally unavailable girls who want to cyber but otherwise shut me out of their life because they're too afraid of getting hurt. Thanks dad
Author:  zwackerm [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 2:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
stuffp wrote:
Becoming friends with a girl is a great first step, but in order to have a girl want more from you, you have to act somewhat indifferent to her interest, cancel a meet-up, etc.
I haven't dated for a long while, that I'm not sure about a whole gameplan, but, and it seems you know this already, the worst thing you can do is trying to be her best friend.

I. D.o.n.t try to be their best friend just to date them, it’s when I feel a genuine connection and think they like me back. I. D.o.n.t force anything.

Christian girls want very much different things than secular girls. They are looking for a husband and father rather than someone to have sex with. My issue is girls can’t see themselves marrying me it seems.
Author:  Shack [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 3:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
zwackerm wrote:
stuffp wrote:
Becoming friends with a girl is a great first step, but in order to have a girl want more from you, you have to act somewhat indifferent to her interest, cancel a meet-up, etc.
I haven't dated for a long while, that I'm not sure about a whole gameplan, but, and it seems you know this already, the worst thing you can do is trying to be her best friend.

I. D.o.n.t try to be their best friend just to date them, it’s when I feel a genuine connection and think they like me back. I. D.o.n.t force anything.

Christian girls want very much different things than secular girls. They are looking for a husband and father rather than someone to have sex with. My issue is girls can’t see themselves marrying me it seems.


Are you exclusively interested in Christian girls?
Author:  zwackerm [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 3:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Shack wrote:
zwackerm wrote:
stuffp wrote:
Becoming friends with a girl is a great first step, but in order to have a girl want more from you, you have to act somewhat indifferent to her interest, cancel a meet-up, etc.
I haven't dated for a long while, that I'm not sure about a whole gameplan, but, and it seems you know this already, the worst thing you can do is trying to be her best friend.

I. D.o.n.t try to be their best friend just to date them, it’s when I feel a genuine connection and think they like me back. I. D.o.n.t force anything.

Christian girls want very much different things than secular girls. They are looking for a husband and father rather than someone to have sex with. My issue is girls can’t see themselves marrying me it seems.


Are you exclusively interested in Christian girls?

Yeah, my faith is far too important to me to connect in that way with a secular girls. I meet plenty of Christian girls though, that’s not the issue.
Author:  Shack [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 4:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Not saying this is you, but I feel like most people who complain about being friend zoned are likely overestimating how strong a connection the girl feels to them. I think most of the time if a straight girl has a real connection with a straight guy, they will be attracted to them. However what's a real connection feels different to different people - for someone who's emotionally shut down the vast majority of time around people, they'll know it as soon as they have anything resembling a normal connection with a person. But for someone who's already extroverted and open a lot, there must be some other way that a connection feels different than their real social lives - and perhaps sometimes it gets missed more often because of this. Or maybe it's a longer process for a small connection to become a big connection.

My guess is the girls who aren't attracted to you, don't have as much in common with you as you might think. By things in common it's not just about the surface features but deeper desires or pains that aren't always obvious
Author:  stuffp [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 8:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Did you ever flat out asked a girl out who looked attractive to you at any of the Christian events?
If yes, what happened?
If not, do it.
Author:  zwackerm [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 8:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
stuffp wrote:
Did you ever flat out asked a girl out who looked attractive to you at any of the Christian events?
If yes, what happened?
If not, do it.

Issue is I never realize I like someone till I get to know them a bit. A ton of hot “Christian” girls I meet end up being super fake and not worth wasting time on.

The most recent girl I was rejected by I’d gotten coffee with about 5-6 times before I asked her out. I was ready to after two. but I was so afraid of being rejected it took 4 more times.
Author:  Corpse [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 9:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Basically... stop trying. I'm not saying that to tell you that you're hopeless or anything, just that almost everyone I know, myself included, end up in a relationship (long-term dating and/or marriage) without actively seeking one.

Any interaction with a person with the intent of pursuing a future relationship with said person is generally not a good idea, in my opinion.
Author:  zwackerm [ Tue Jun 04, 2019 10:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Ahh well that’s basically what I’m trying right now. I’m just getting to know people in the community but it’s exhausting to wait.
Author:  stuffp [ Wed Jun 05, 2019 12:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Corpse is right in the sense that you should not expect to get in relationship, I don't think it's good for your own sense of achievement (constantly failing), but also it probably feeds of a sense of urgency that's unattractive to these girls you're meeting up with.

But don't just wait.

The key to any success is failure, you have to do things, make mistakes, and you'll do it better next time, the same goes for dating and relationships.

zwackerm wrote:
I never realize I like someone till I get to know them a bit.

Are you never just attracted by someone's appearance?

zwackerm wrote:
I was so afraid of being rejected

I can relate to this, but going back to what you said just before that
zwackerm wrote:
The most recent girl I was rejected by

The world didn't end right, at least I learned that the actual rejection is nowhere near as bad as I had in mind, but this comes back to my first point of managing expectations.

And just general advise, you have to make the girl fall for you before you start pampering here. The more sure they are you desire them, the less urgency they have in going out with you, because they know they can get it any time.

Try to stand out also, if girls feel you're just like other guys, they will again act like they can miss out on you, there's other guys that can easily take your place.

I'm not sure what's going to work in your case, but just think of doing things differently than the guys around you. Something that's generally considered kind of cool though, don't be a nerd, although I'm sure some girls fall for that too.
Author:  Thegun [ Thu Jun 06, 2019 9:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
5-6 six times is way too much coffee before asking someone out. Make the coffee the first date. Or have a coffee and then ask if they want to go out for dinner, show, etc and make it clear it's a date. And definitely don't bring up how hard it is to find a date to them.

Their Christian's not lepers, straightforward approach always works better. 5-6 unclear get togethers you are already zoned by then.
Author:  Chippy [ Thu Jun 06, 2019 9:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
If you act like a friend, that's what they're going to assume you are. It's great to have friends! Female friends even! But if you're just collecting a bunch of girls that you at one point wanted to date, that's not fair to you or them. You do realize you can ask these girls, who are friends, for advice and help, right? Like, ask if they know anyone they can set you up with. Be charming, be yourself, and be confident. Yeah, rejection sucks. And I was probably one of the most shy people on the planet. But now I'm not. Confidence is tough to build up, but once you find it, it comes along naturally.

Don't be afraid to express yourself to people you're interested in, and don't be afraid to share your feelings with friends. They're your friends for a reason.

Also, don't be a dick about it. Being whiny and mopey about nobody liking you and being single is a huge turn-off for not only people you want to date, but to friends.
Author:  zwackerm [ Thu Jun 06, 2019 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Chippy wrote:

Also, don't be a dick about it. Being whiny and mopey about nobody liking you and being single is a huge turn-off for not only people you want to date, but to friends.

I do t do this except to a few very close friends and it’s usually only after a fresh rejection, I’ve technically only been rejected twice.
Author:  Mau [ Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
Oh so the closet is cracking.

Still single and no plans at the moment to change that.
Author:  Shack [ Tue Sep 03, 2019 2:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
I realized this week I wasn't as good at listening to women as i thought. I thought it was a good listener, but I only hearing them not really listening. There are so many questions I never asked because I was unwilling to dig and follow up on their answers. I learned more about someone in a week more than I have in years.
Author:  MadGez [ Tue Sep 03, 2019 11:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
stuffp wrote:
Flava'd vs The World wrote:
“Dude I wanted to do X but my wife/husband would have got pissed off so I just did she/he wanted instead.”


I'm married, and yeah, that's me (too)...a relationship is a trade-off.


Yes same here - that happens to everyone that is married. There are pros and cons with everything.

There are pros and cons of being single too.
Author:  Mau [ Sat Nov 02, 2019 11:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
So this guy who I've never met IRL aksed me to go to a party with him .... A costume party with his friends, yay or nay?
I mean he's pretty good looking but idk this is weird
Author:  Mau [ Sun Nov 03, 2019 10:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
I ended up going and lmao I just got home

Slut
Author:  Mau [ Fri Nov 08, 2019 11:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
So I met three guys this week, none of them were worth it.
I think I may go back to the guy from the wknd. I spent like $45 on a stupid Uber cuz I didn't want to sleep with the guy after fucking him, like he wanted to hug and I was like... Yeah no. I'm leaving, bye
Author:  Chippy [ Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: KJ Singles Club!
you're weird
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