Describing it as just another stage in the unending cosmic circle of life, the nation’s female joggers acknowledged Tuesday they shall all, at some point or another, be physically attacked and buried deep in the woods.

Women joggers of all ages across the country told reporters that every female who partakes in the aerobic exercise will eventually turn up as a half-nude body discarded in a heavily forested area, thus fulfilling the majestic journey taken by all jogging females, from time immemorial, in their passage through the universe.

“Such is the transcendent, time-honored pathway taken by all women who choose to exercise outdoors by themselves,” said Rhonda Wilmington, 28, shortly before beginning her 5 a.m. jog around Manhattan’s Central Park. “It is one of life’s great constants: the sun rises, the sun sets, and a lone lady jogger will be stabbed, dragged into a forested area, and ultimately be thrown in a ditch 15 feet off the bike path. So it has been, and so it shall always be in the universe’s perennial cycle of life, death, and rebirth.”

“Days later her body will be found—her bloody Nike tracksuit covered in leaves, dirt, and ants,” Wilmington added. “Just as the cosmos, in its infinite mystery, always intended.”

I like running. It makes me feel good. And when I get to my destination faster, it makes me happy.

Simple answer: to run away from people like Rev or BJ

You know what gets you to your destination faster? Four wheels.

because only black women or latinas can get away with a fat ass......................

One of the funnier things you have said I think.

But that statement means I should take up running, which I hate. I knew I wasn't a normal white female.

Doesn't running cause knee problems a lot? Who wants that? I don't want to be crippled by the time I'm 50.

Don't worry, Batnanna. We love you just the way you are: