This thread just has bad written all over it, but I'll give it a try. Although I was just messing around in the other thread, I think their are more than members that I can relate to a family somehow. So here is where I turn you, my fellow, board members into your dysfunctional family role. I'm in an odd mood so I'm adding some trading card stats as well. I'll unveil them as I can, if you have any suggestions for me to do, feel free. Also I'm embellishing a lot, so no one get upset. Most of the stuff is made up.

Here are the two from the other thread.

Algren "The Grandma"
He's the grandma that stays indoors when everyone else is outside. A member of another time that doesn't understand new trends, that nothing seems out of bounds for her. She is so set in her ways to change either. She's mean, racist, and babbles aimlessly about things no one cares about, because she thinks of herself as the head of the household (Even though it's not her house.) She makes 40 year old jokes like they still pack the same punch, and will argue over issues long forgotten by general audiences. She will bring up stories of the past (Like bringing up 6 year old threads, or wandering from thread to thread putting his 2 cents in despite relevance to the topic.) The rest of the family is always fed up with her, wanting to put her in a home, but they never get the courage to do it. They just have to wait for nature to takes it's course, when she finally passes.

Strength: Nothing is off limits.
Weakness: Wrong far too often.
Biggest Regret: It's not 20 years ago
Special Move: Throws soiled night gown at you (-1 Point for the next 5 turns)

CHIPPY "The Divorced Brother"
He was at one time looked up to by the rest, for seeming to have it all. Good job, married his hot high school sweatheart, and then boom. He gets divorced, drinks, and let's say his job too (For any redemption story he needs 3 obstacles to overcome) and mopes around recalling the glory days. All the things we all once admired about him are gone, and all that is left are the little annoyances that we used to give a pass. Plus we all have to listen to all of his problems now, and the cooler version we once knew is packed away for the time being. We see through his blunders, he's just a normal person. He's still the same person, but a more hollowed- cornier version. He now has to piece his life back together using methods he never dreamed he'd have to do, as he was once so successful doing what he does, that when he had to redo it, he's behind in the times. He is no longer the trendsetter, but the trend follower. But he still has the glimmer of the man he once was, and if anyone can get it all back, it's him.

Strength: Has become unpredictable
Weakness: Doesn't reach out outside of the core group
Biggest regret: Not enough meaningless sex (Though to be fair, one could characterize that as divorce.)
Special Move: Get's drunk, hugs you for too long (-3 points)

David "The Former Prodigy"

Although he's not that young, most of us were out of high school when young David started posting.

Much like Wormser in Revenge of the Nerds. After years of being misunderstood for his advanced knowledge, Dave skipped a few years of juvenile internet searches to a league much higher than his own. But as it turned out not that high, and Dave in fact fit right in. He welcomed the challenge and despite his young age, his extensive knowledge and boyhood charm made him a respected member of the KJ family. He immediately talked the talk, but when he tried to walk the walk, his inexperience often showed itself. But that was also part of his like-ability. Then something terrible happened. He hit puberty. His changes into adulthood made him less of a marvel, and many times an annoyance. His first few years of being a trendsetter, Dave despite still maintaining his intelligence became more of a loner. Big businesses passed him over, and now he moves through the forum as a cautionary tale. He can still hold his own, and remains a regular of good posts and threads, but the luster is gone. He is just another poster now.

Strength: Uses his youthfulness to outpost his competitors
Weakness: He's lost his edge, and his ego can be used against him.
Biggest Regret: His early potential was lost in favor of teenage shenanigans
Special Move: Every opinion can be supported from years of studying (Deflects attacks onto next player)

I'm the head of the family. Woo hoo.

The four bolded points after the description, for me, are great.

Well done.

What was David's name before he became David?

Gunslingster or something like that

-slinger, not slingster. Dark Tower reference.

And before that?

I do give long hugs

Libs "The Anti Feminist Feminist Sister"

At first glance you might be thinking Libs is more the mother who molests her kids, or wants to go back to work, but I think this a much better overall choice. She doesn't work as a mom, despite being the only real candidate, but dysfunctional families work best without a mom.

She's the sister you don't really understand when you're younger, and even less as you get older because of her conflicting ideals. She is all about women in the workplace, but more so as long as she succeeds. An advocate of women's lib and gay rights, and of course that all men are scum. But there is more to her. She's not about being one sided, she also sees the flaws in being a committed feminist. At the end of the day, she still just wants to never have to work again, and be pampered to. As much as she avoids the advances of many of the members of the opposite sex, and insists that the human brain is the sexiest muscle, take off any man's shirt and she becomes an instant "woo girl." She parties hard and believes in true love. She'll bring home a different guy to every family get together, each time the man representing the current state of mind she is in. She is also not one to just believe in something, but rather lets it embody her. With a strong sense of fashion and accessories, she will also talk and look the part of her current mission. This will, however, lead to people that don't know her think that she might have multiple personality disorder. But for every differing view she has, her ability to take anyones side at any moment makes her a good sister.

Strength: She will support your cause, and can gain you followers, along with her bank account to boot if she believes in it.
Weakness: She is distracted far too often by girly things, cute animals, and chick flicks, that she'll go comatose and become completely useless.
Biggest Regret: She's single, and continues to have no firm direction to take.
Special Move: Pretends to be an ally before stealing all of your supplies and armor (-10 points) Can only be used once per person though.

Joe?

There's just nothing motherly about her on here, other then the fact that she's a woman. She may have some kids on here from multiple flings, but definitely not the mother of KJ.

And sorry Libs, I can't come up with an opening sentence like that and not include it, no matter how random/ ridiculous it is. My Apologies.

I agree with gun. She is definitely more of a sister than mother.

Libs is a lot of things, but a mother is not one of them.

But Thegun is correct about one thing, I could definitely see her being a child molester.

wtf?

You thinking I'm a bitch sounds about right, but you could see me being a child molester? What is that supposed to mean?

Go home, you're drunk.

If I'm drunk, I'm drunk on pure, unfiltered awesomeness.

You mean, like, tiger blood?

The Chinese prefer the tiger's gallbladder.

My semen?

Nazi sailors.

Algren drinks semen to stay cool in the summer?