Spoken like a true Mosby. If it's going to take years, no sense in waiting.

I know, and yet the thread title is so Stinson.

I seriously wish you the best man, but if there is no chance of anything for a year plus, there's no reason to get your hopes up, and put your life on hold expecting more. That'll make it even more awkward in the 7 months down the line when she comes back from vacation and has had a fling and is totally smitten with someone else. It may sound harsh, but it can definitely happen. Women are crazy that way. If it's meant to happen it will in time. Be a friend, and date someone else, who knows maybe that will jump start her into realizing she doesn't want to miss her chance with you.

Any update on the situation, dude?

Unfortunately, in the meantime, an unhappy/complicated situation of my own came up. I don't think I am ready to talk about it here yet, but suffice to say, I am not doing particularly well, which explains my less frequent posting over the last days/weeks.

crazy bitches be crazy

Thanks for the post Gamaur. I guess I can relate, I've loved someone since 2010 without being with her. The last few years I kinda figured out why it probably happened, because I am and was someone who's emotionally guarded/shut down to the point where it's a life-dominating handicap, when I met someone I had an emotional connection/emotional relationship/trust with, it was such a one of a kind and revelatory experience that I went off the deep end quickly. I guess I understand Bradley's point about infatuation though, it's just a matter of perspective. I thought within a few days after meeting and hanging out with her that she was supposed to be my best friend from this point on, which was a big deal for me because again, no relationships with other people. But when I thought I was in love with her was a few weeks later when I realized I considered her by far the most beautiful person ever, which I guess is arguably infatuation (I did think it was weird at the time other males weren't crawling over her or bringing her up constantly for someone I considered that attractive, eventually I realized my attraction at that level was connected to the emotional reasons behind it)

Threads like these and you wish we could all meet up and have a few drinks and a good chat to support and cheer up fellow posters.

Gaumar, Lecter, Shack - best wishes lads. It may not seem like it now but things will improve.

Any update Gamaur?

I have an update from my end... a big update... I now know with almost certainty... that she loves me back

But I wish my response was better to this. I'm kind of freaking out and not in a good way I've had social anxiety and extreme trust issues/belief in myself issues my whole life... and recently realized the extent of the trouble at home I had and its effect on me and my lack of relationships with other humans (narcissist mom/emotionally unavailable dad, basically)... it makes it hard to step into what would be a EXTREMELY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH REST OF YOUR LIFE EXPECTATIONS FROM DAY 1. And I think I can see now that I was more hurt by some of the non-trustworthy ways she's acted in the past, than I had let myself realize (not did I any better a job maintaining trust way back then, I was too dumb to realize what putting my lips on anything else that moved meant if she did have feelings for me)

And all the signs I have is she's either as guarded a person as I am or more... so it's not like it'd be an easy transition for her either. Frankly the way we've 'fessed up' is about as un-open as you can get and we still haven't spoken in person in years. Basically it involves a music streaming site where I drop signs on my listening history that I'm peeking at hers and she drops signs on hers that she's listening to mine. But we could do this without literally following each other's accounts or "admitting" we are looking. Anyways as of the last week things have gone from I strongly suspect she's looking, to certain confirmation after she's dropped 4-5 big hints and the last hint tonight in particular just felt like she just went screw it and made it obvious

That's the short version... there's some more to it including what makes me jump from that conclusion to "she loves me"... but anyways if she took a lot longer than me to make it obvious she was looking (from early August until about a week ago, there'd only been one song I'd taken as a real sign/message)... in addition to how when we were in each other's lives years back it felt like I was always more open than her about my feelings than her to me... and if I'm the more open one of the two and freaking out about what a big step this would be... what does she feel?

So I made my last played an obscure pop song called "I Need Space" which literally has lyrics like 'this is not the end' and 'please don't think there's another man' and I'm going to leave it as that for a while... my hope is I use some time in upcoming months for self improvement until I feel better about this.

At this point, I have a traditional/conservative suggestion - why don't you two "bite the bullet" and grab a coffee and talk?

Seriously. Just talk. Dropping hints? ugh

that's some serious high school shit. act like adults and have a conversation.

Talk to her! It will make things so much better for you!

It's incredibly frustrating having feelings for someone over years like you are and not doing anything about them. I really liked one of my (male) friends in High School to the point that I thought I may have been in love with him, from a teenager's perspective anyway, but never acted on them (and there were hints he may have been gay, too). I then messed around with a couple guy friends for awhile to see if that'd help, but no such luck. I even tried dating a girl(!!!) my senior year to see if it'd help calm my feelings towards him, she was even my Prom date, but that was pointless of course as I had absolutely no such feelings towards her whatsoever. I was just making things worse by leading on the girl, so I ended that right after High School.

This story ends by me being emotional frustrated through most of Middle/High School, and a year or so afterwards, with him always on my mind preventing me from enjoying others things in my life many times, and the guy in question eventually moved away and my feelings towards him faded over time. But all that frustration could have been prevented from simply asking him if he liked me, etc.. It would have taken a minute. These things always seem so monumental, daunting even, as a teen/young adult, but they're so not, especially as an adult.

Thankfully, I met my boyfriend 5 years ago and we've been together ever since, and have lived together for over 4 years now, too. I'll probably take it to the next level next year, though it'll require relocating.

And you're also not going to get over your trust issues either unless you eventually trust someone, and this girl sounds like that person. Do you want to continue living your life the way you are now? No. The only solution is to take the plunge, and it won't be bad, really. You two already sound like you're really close already, and a conversation about your guys' feelings isn't likely to change that.