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 Second Year of University! 
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
zwackerm wrote:
And the third person thing is because it’s a story!


It'll read a bit smoother if you reference yourself with pronouns (he, his, him) more often. Repeating proper nouns (names) can get in the way of reading rhythm and detract from the story.

Why tell it that way, out of curiosity? It reads more like some weird PC variety of literotica, than stuff you're personally invested in.


Sat Dec 02, 2017 9:28 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Gamaur wrote:
zwackerm wrote:
And the third person thing is because it’s a story!


It'll read a bit smoother if you reference yourself with pronouns (he, his, him) more often. Repeating proper nouns (names) can get in the way of reading rhythm and detract from the story.

Why tell it that way, out of curiosity? It reads more like some weird PC variety of literotica, than stuff you're personally invested in.

Because when I was telling my family over thanksgiving, I thought the story read like a play, with a few central locations (the bagel shop, the dining hall) and each time something significant happened it felt like a scene ended.

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Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:57 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
zwackerm wrote:
feedback would be good.


I think it would ground the story more if the main character were to be called by his real name, not his online nickname, unless the story was about his online life.


Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:58 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
zwackerm wrote:
She makes it incredibly clear to zwackerm that she is not interested, and never will be, and not just because she isn't over Jory. But because "we don't have that much in common!" and "I just see you as a friend".

zwackerm wrote:
They part ways, promising to be friends, but zwackerm doesn't quite believe Belle wants that


Seems like same mistake Lecter made when his crush told him she wants space and he was like "But what if I confront her at my birthday!!!"

She told you how she feels, best thing you can do is listen to her... if she changes her mind it will not be right now


Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:41 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
The Tragedy of William and Belle: Part 3.1

That weekend, William got over his initial sadness pretty quickly. He went to Philly with his friends and took full advantage of the fact Belle went home for the weekend. When classes resumed on Monday though, William began to think more about how frustrated he was about the fact she did not like him and he grew bitter, resentful and angry.

On Wednesday at dinner, William and Belle reunited for the first time. They did not speak one on one, but they did exchange words in a group setting, not looking directly at each other and keeping physical distance. William wasn’t happy about it, but he was upset with her so he wasn’t too torn up.

That weekend just about everyone went home or away for the weekend other than William and Belle. But Belle wasn’t about to ask Belle to go to church with him. So he walked alone, and sat with one of his friends who graduated. After the service, William saw Belle walk right by him without even looking. This hurt William deeply, and he went home and sulked. He realized how much he missed her and prayed to God to mend their friendship.

That night, William was the first to arrive at prayer. Belle did not usually go to prayer, but for some reason she decided to check it out for the first time that night. She was the second there, so she was forced to talk to William. It wasn’t a riveting conversation, but they weren’t too uncomfortable and no one mentioned the issue. After William’s friends Mario and Michelle arrived, they prayed, and Belle invited them all back to her and Ariel’s dorm to hang out. It was fun and William was happy he and Belle were friends again.

William and Belle remained friends throughout the week. On Saturday William went bowling with Mario. Mario was snap chatting the hole time.

“Who are you snap chatting?” Said William.
“Belle” said Mario.
“How long have you been snap chatting her?”
“Oh our streak is 26 days”
“Oh ok. Stop snap chatting her! What is she your girlfriend?”
William used a joking tone but he was serious. Mario got super annoyed with William.

“We’re just friends dude stop freaking out!”

The next morning William, Mario, Belle and Michelle went to breakfast before church. William noticed that Mario and Belle were like two peas in a pod. Paranoid, he texted Mario about Belle. Mario insisted they were just friends and he was chilling with Michelle. Later that afternoon, William assumed they’d all gone their separate ways. But he was wrong.

William, convinced that Mario and Belle might date, decided to go on a trip to the sixers with Mario. He didn’t sit with Mario on the bus, but he heard Mario talking to his friend Ethan about both William and Belle. Then William opened his phone and checked facebook. He saw that Belle had posted pictures of a trip she’d taken the day before with Ariel and for some reason... Michelle and Mario. William knew this was impossible; Michelle and Mark had been chilling in her dorm. They couldn’t have been on a trip! Unless Mario lied...

Disgusted with Mario for lying, and convinced that he, Ariel, Belle and Michelle hated him, he tried to talk to Mario after the game but he was forced to wait. In his anger, William shaved his beard.

Mario apologized for lying the next morning and promised to never lie to William again. He promised he and Belle were just friends, and said they shouldn’t have excluded him from the trip. Mario promises that their group, himself, William, Belle, Ariel, Michelle, Jared (the friend who consoled William after Belle rejected him), and Michelle’s roommate Marisa, will return from Thanksgiving and all be the best of friends. William wonders why Mario is acting so strangely and why he only cares about spending time with girls when he used to not be so cliquey.

Over thanksgiving, William decided to compete with Mario and Belle’s snap chat streak. He is successful over all of break, and William no longer believes she prefers Mario to him...

End of Part 3.1

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Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:48 pm
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Lick my balls

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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Prose are flowing better, but things are getting uncomfortable man. Your relationship to women is...an interesting one.


Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:12 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Where's the last chapter?


Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:22 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Coming! Maybe today!

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Tue Dec 05, 2017 10:31 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
And now the final installment in zwackerm's dramatic personal life...
The Tragedy of William and Belle: Part 3.2

After snap chatting with Belle all break, William was optimistic that Mario and her wouldn't date after all. "They really are just friends" he told himself. "There's no reason to think they'll date".

That Monday, William went about his normal routine. Eventually Mario posted in their group chat "anyone want to study in the library tonight?" William responds yes.

Later that day, Mario texts William to tell him that they're going to instead study in his dorm at 10 because he has RA rounds and can't leave his dorm. Because of this, Michelle and Belle go to study with Mario at 9 because he can sign two people in after 8:00, and William has to wait for 10:00 for someone else from the dorm to sign him in. William wanted desperately to continue to watch Mario and Belle's interaction, and was sad he'd miss an hour. At 10, he studied and hung out with them for almost four hours and nothing raised an alarm.

On Tuesday, William has another good day and sort of wonders whether Mario will organize another hangout with everyone. He doesn't and William goes out with Jared instead. If only William knew what was happening while he was out with Jared...

On Wednesday, William snap chatted Belle early in the morning, and even included a question so she had to respond. Unlike the last week though, she doesn't respond. William is puzzled.

Mario and William's friend John had been badgering William to go with him and Mario to the gym all semester, so on Wednesday he finally agreed. William was the first to arrive and through the window, he sees Mario walk up, but he isn't alone. With him is none other than Belle. He hugs her before they part, and he enters the gym.

"What was that about?" asked William.

"Oh, me and Belle got in a fight and I was just making up with her."

Having feared the worst, William was now elated and told himself surely they'd never date now if they had a fight before they even started. That night, William was able to observe Mario and Belle, and they never more than casually interacted.

Thursday morning William went to breakfast with Mario, and Mario finally dropped the bomb.

"Will, I have a confession to make... I like Belle, she likes me and we're probably going to start dating. Our fight is because she thought I was flirting with someone else"

William of course knew this since the bowling two saturdays ago, but he'd been in denial. The whole thing was so shocking, that William didn't fully believe it. He did drop a few curse words, but he and Mario leave on relatively good terms.

At lunch, William ate with Belle, and obtained all the closure he'd wanted a month ago.

"William, it wasn't that I could never ever see us dating. You're a great guy, but I didn't feel that connection with you yet and I did with Mario. I could have maybe seen us eventually, like if nothing better came along, but at the point we were at, certainly not. But I liked Mario, so I certainly wasn't going to tell you that. Because I was certain you would be jealous. Yeah, and I ended our snap chat streak because I totally knew you were just trying to compete with Mario. And that's impossible now."

William was just shocked at the fact he was hearing all of this and not getting mad. He loved Mario and Belle like a brother and a sister; surely them dating wouldn't be the end of the world?

William and Belle decided that they planned to eventually be close friends despite her and Mario's relationship, but to ensure that William was over her and okay before they pursued such friendship. William ran into Mario outside the dining hall and told him how well their chat went and that they still planned to be friends eventually. Then William made a joke.

"If she ever decides she likes me instead, I'll be sure to tell you before anything happens."

"Hahaha, I don't want anything to ever happen. Hahaha, William, I have to go to class."

Later that day, he saw Mario again and realized he didn't know what to say to him anymore. Like he totally wanted to continue to interrogate him about Belle, but he didn't want to bother him. He headed home with Ethan to his and Jared's apartment. He was ready to let it all out. Seeing Mario again had finally let it set in. He began talking about how much he loved the episode of Friends where Ross was "FINE" with Joey and Rachel dating, and it eventually became a metaphor for his own life. William didn't understand how this could happen to him, and by the end he was on the floor screaming. But it was time for bible study and he knew Mario would be there, so he had to cease his hissy fit, for now...

Mario was late to bible study, and William was on edge, so he decided when they were doing their weekly sharing of what was bad and good in their life, William said "my bad is the fact that the girl who friend zoned me is going to date my best friend, and the good is that I'm still friends with both of them for now." Everyone let out a laugh and was unsure what to say. William couldn't focus and left for the bathroom, where he texted Ariel and Michelle "I need to talk with you about the situation." They made plans to meet at 3 the next day, but William began to realize what he may have to do.

After bible study, he went back to Ethan and Jared's apartment and said "Mario and Belle don't deserve my drama. And I can't lie to them that I'm okay with their relationship if I'm not. And I don't want them to have someone feeling like that around them. So I'm going to cut ties to both of them."

Jared and Ethan warned William this is a bad idea; simply ignoring the problem and not solving it. He said he'd wait for his talk with Ariel and Michelle to make the final decision.

The next day, Ariel and Michelle informed William just how pissed off Mario was about his comment about Belle deciding she liked William instead of him, and how he found out about William's bad and good at bible study. William felt awful, having entered the conversation feeling like a heroic victim who was going to make the ultimate sacrifice so that his friends could be happy. But he now felt even worse on top of the fact he felt awful for not supporting Mario and Belle's relationship, he'd also been mean and added to everyone's discomfort. He texted Mario and promised to apologize in person whenever he was ready. Mario said okay.

Saturday, William gave Mario and Belle space. On Sunday, William hoped to avoid them at the bagel shop, so he went early, but they were already there. Awkwardly, he sat down and talked to them. At church, William was still not feeling supportive of their relationship, and he didn't know what he was going to do. William didn't feel too moved by the church service, until the last hymn, Hark the Herald Angels Sing! All of a sudden, Williams heart just exploded. He almost started crying. William realized God sent his only son Jesus so that "man no more may die, born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth." William realized that finding worth in the things of this world, such as Belle, had been the cause of all of his misery for the last month. He truly just needed Jesus, and it took him being sent to the lowest of the lows to realize that.

After church, William ranted about his heart growing three sizes like the Grinch to anyone who would listen. "Who took the old William?" said someone. He was just so filled with the joy of the lord, when he saw Mario and Belle that afternoon as they ate lunch and went shopping for secret santa, he no longer was angry or jealous. It was all gone.

But they were not out of the woods yet. William was headed to a movie night with Mario, Belle, Jared, Ariel, Michelle and Marisa. He still had his formal apology for Mario and Belle. And little did he know, Mario and Belle were not being completley honest about how they were feeling...

End of Part 3.2

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Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:27 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
LOL part 3.3 coming tomorrow! That will really be the end!

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Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:28 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
I can't think of any words of advice, if even wanted, but I'm enjoying reading this.


Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:42 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Mario's being a self-indulgent drama queen, what you said in the group was fine. You managed to get your feelings across in a truthful and straightforward manner, showing that you've chosen their friendship over your own pride. How could anyone possibly think that's a bad thing? Would have to take someone motivated to make you look bad, you'd think. Could it be possible that your relentless monitoring of Mario and Belle has led him to feel threatened by you?

Either way, you don't owe anyone an apology for the group confession (and aren't those things supposed to be confidential?---might be a good idea to chase that up; last thing you want is for what you say in groups like that to go further, so you're well within your rights to protest), but you probably do owe them an apology for assuming any kind of entitlement over her. Will write more after the last chapter. It's all pretty inconsequential stuff, so you're doing fine. Clearly a good learning experience.

You've got a good aptitude for writing man. These are better written each time. Remember that you usually only need to mention a character's name once or twice per paragraph for the audience to understand who you are referring to.


Wed Dec 06, 2017 2:24 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
And now the real final installment in zwackerm's dramatic personal life...
The Tragedy of William and Belle: Part 3.3

Thrilled at how he was feeling about everything, William continued to tell everyone he knew about his change of heart concerning the situation. There was the Cru leader holiday party that night and he gave a mini testimony during sharing time about how God had changed his heart 180 degrees since the day before.

Later, Mario, Michelle, William and Jared who were all at the party together headed to Belle and Ariel's dorm to watch a movie. At the beginning of the film, Mario didn't seem to expect to sit next to Belle and offered to get off of her bed. But she just decided to sit next to him, with Jared on his other side. Jokingly, Mario and Jared cuddled. But as the movie began and continued, Mario began to drift away from Jared and slowly drift over to Belle. There was a pillow between them, but that was pretty much it. Mario and Belle got physically closer and closer, and began to shut out everyone else who was there and only talk to and associate with one another. Eventually, the touch barrier was broken and Mario and Belle were full on cuddling. While everyone else seemed to be ignoring the situation, William just couldn't. He was just so shocked at how his friends, who were supposedly not dating yet, were forgetting to leave room for the Holy Spirit.

They canoodled for the rest of the night, and after everyone left, William went off with Jared, thinking they were alone.

"Mario and Belle are dating! They're not "not dating yet"! They're dating! It's just a secret relationship! Look how fast things are moving!"

William had truly felt when he heard the news about Mario and Belle that they'd never break up because he couldn't imagine either one of them hurting the other. But seeing just how physically intimate they were already gave William hope they might flame out. Because while he'd come to peace with the fact that the relationship was happening, he still didn't think it was the best thing ever.

"I totally thought they'd be together forever; but after tonight I think they could flame out if they continue at this pace."

Jared, truly and deeply tired of talking to William about Mario and Belle said "I don't care."

They both biked home. The next morning, William had class with John, his and Mario's friend from the gym. To his surprise, John invited William to breakfast. John had apparently the whole time been Mario's go to about the situation, and he wanted to hear William's side. But William was unaware that John planned to tell everyone everything that William said. So William began talking.

Over Sunday and Monday, William had broken his promise to Mario and Belle to not tell people about the two of them yet. He told a lot of people, including Belle's friend Anita, who was quite the gossip.

"William, Mario told me he'll be visiting every weekend next semester. Do you know why?"

"He has some new motivation I guess."

"Oooh, a girlfriend I bet. Is it Michelle? Or is it Belle..."

"Can neither confirm nor deny. Wait you already know don't you? Yeah, it's Belle, it's so totally Belle."

William was still filled with the joy of Christmas even on Tuesday. He went to the gym with Mario and John and Mario made small talk with William and didn't seem mad at all. He figured Mario had been moved by his testimony at the leader party and everything would be fine after their climactic meeting at 6.

After the gym, William headed to the dining hall to eat dinner at 5, ready for the meeting. But at 5:30, he received a surprise text message from none other than Ariel.

"William, Belle told me that Mark told her you said they wouldn't last. Why would you say that?"

William was confused, considering he'd not discussed Belle with Mario since Friday via text message, and he'd certainly never said that to Mario's face. To his face...

"Fuck Ariel, I did say that to Jared after I thought he'd left our presence on Sunday night. He must have overheard."

William was disappointed, considering he'd been so convinced their problems would end tonight. But apparently, Belle and Mario were still not comfortable confronting him about their problems with him.

It was time for the meeting. William arrived at the bagel shop first, where he'd first really begun to like Belle all those months ago. It was like he was coming full circle. William had a feeling that this would be the last time they ever spoke about issues concerning Belle, either because they would all work out or because the friend group would abandon him in favor of Mario and Belle.

Belle arrived second. She sat down. They exchanged no words. William knew that he had nothing to say to her that he didn't want Mario to also hear. After a minute or two, Mario arrived.

"I was so excited for this meeting today. I was feeling filled with the joy of Christmas and my anger and jealousy was gone. I was ready to sweep all our problems under the rug and start anew. I'd planned to pray, confess, apologize, give you two a chance to respond, have Q and A and then talk to Mario alone. But apparently you two do not feel comfortable telling me about your problems with me, and as long as that is the case, I cannot work anything out with you."

He told them what Ariel had told him. He apologized for saying it and told them he hadn't intended for them to hear.

"But you did say it!" interjected Belle. William was struggling to read her. She didn't seem mad, but certainly very excited. William had a feeling that regardless of how things worked out with Mario, this was going to be the end of his friendship with Belle.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it. Let's pray and get this over with."

Following an incredibly awkward prayer that neither Mario or Belle seemed to really appreciate coming from him, William confessed to everything he'd done and said that was wrong on Thursday and Friday. From the joke about coming between the two of them, to being passive aggressive at bible study, to just how he'd been feeling concerning their relationship in general.

"But you had to know I wanted more than anything to be happy for you two! But I'm human! I'm not perfect! I feel emotion! I really thought you would understand that I was NOT going to be okay with it right after you told me."

Mario and Belle accepted William's apology neither begrudgingly, nor excitedly. William was really struggling to understand where they were at.

"I do think that all the talking behind backs and refusing to go to the person you had the problem with made this worse? Can we get a promise to go right to people when we have a problem and have accountability and transparency?"

"But you talked about us too!" yelled out Belle really fast and high pitched. She seemed to have regretted speaking or something because she looked away.

"I promise as well. From now on, complete and total honesty. Lastly I'd like to define our relationships going forward. Belle, we haven't been seeing each other often outside of group settings anyway, so I think we just keep things the way they are."

Belle nodded.

William asked Mario "where are you at though? What does our relationship look like going forward."

"William, when you were chasing Belle, I was on your side, rooting for you the whole time. I didn't expect it, but I really hoped that when I told you about me and Belle, you'd be on my team. But you weren't and that told me you were not always going to put your needs after that of your friends. So I just gotta say, I don't trust you at all man. I still like you, we can still be friends, but we will have to rebuild trust and intimacy next semester. I don't want to hang out with you one on one like we used to. I don't want to go to breakfast or be vulnerable. It's all gone. We will either rebuild next semester; or we won't. Things just won't be the same at the start, and maybe they won't ever."

William understood, but thought Mario was being unfair. William couldn't trust Mario to tell the truth about how he was feeling, had been keeping secrets from him for the last month about him and Belle, but he was willing to forgive all of that because he treasured Mario so much. He was his brother and couldn't believe Mario was willing to potentially throw that away.

"Mario, I put myself in your shoes through this! I knew if our positions had switched, and she'd rejected you and chosen me a month later after you'd been obsessed with her for months, I wouldn't have cared how you felt either. I'd have gone for it anyway. Don't you think had you been in my position you would have been jealous and not supportive right away either?"

"Probably, but I'd not have told you. I would have internalized it, maybe told others how I was feeling, but I never would have told you I didn't want you with Belle."

William believed him. He didn't support Mario's readiness to hide his true feelings to maintain moral superiority, but he wasn't going to lecture him on that now. He asked Belle to leave, and after a short talk with Mario about temptation and ensuring he had accountability partners as he entered this new relationship, William and Mario parted ways. The problems were over, but things were not good, and William had no idea if they ever would be again.

Epilogue
The next day, he met up with Ariel and Michelle to talk about the meeting. Belle came too as part of their transparency no secrets or talking behind backs agreement. William told them that he felt there no hard feelings, but it would take time to rebuild his relationship with Mario. William was unsure that after two and a half months of drama, he and Belle would remain friends. She said they could, and William was overjoyed. William also expressed to the girls his worries about Mario's refusal to be honest how he felt, how he didn't trust him to not keep things from him, and how he worried he may fall into temptation without William there to keep him accountable.

Ariel, Michelle, Jared, and everyone William told about the situation agreed Mario was being unfair, but William had no desire to discuss his problems with Mario now. He knew he had to rebuild the friendship if he wanted to help his friend with his honesty problems.

On Thursday, William got a bit of bittersweet news. After months of refusing, Belle had signed up to go to Baltimore over winter break with Cru. William had hoped to escape her and Mario over break, but he now knew he was going to be third wheeling with the both of them for most of the conference. Because William knew that even though Mario had decided against going, he was going to go to spend time with Belle.

Apprehensive, William looked forward, hoping things would continue to improve.

THE END

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Thu Dec 07, 2017 7:08 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Man, you guys are really open with each other, definitely not what I'm used to. I think you should just give your blessing to their relationship and never get in the way again. It's not like Belle dated you, she doesn't owe you anything


Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:17 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
I have not read a single word of this story, but I can already tell that it's not worth it, Bill. Forget Belle. Find yourself a Zhang. Much less drama. ;)


Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:26 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Box. Office. Draft.


Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:20 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Shack wrote:
Man, you guys are really open with each other, definitely not what I'm used to. I think you should just give your blessing to their relationship and never get in the way again. It's not like Belle dated you, she doesn't owe you anything

I know that! Didn’t you read the story? I wanted to be happy for them the whole time, I knew neither one of them owed me anything. I didn’t want to get in the way of their happiness. I knew the whole time I was wrong to feel the way I did. But we’re just humans and we’re broken and we fall to temptation in this world. Luckily that was all taken away on Sunday.

If anyone would like pics or the characters real names, I can send them in a PM.

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Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:41 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
zwackerm wrote:
Shack wrote:
Man, you guys are really open with each other, definitely not what I'm used to. I think you should just give your blessing to their relationship and never get in the way again. It's not like Belle dated you, she doesn't owe you anything

I know that! Didn’t you read the story? I wanted to be happy for them the whole time, I knew neither one of them owed me anything. I didn’t want to get in the way of their happiness. I knew the whole time I was wrong to feel the way I did. But we’re just humans and we’re broken and we fall to temptation in this world. Luckily that was all taken away on Sunday.

If anyone would like pics or the characters real names, I can send them in a PM.


Sure, PM me them


Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:13 pm
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
CC me please if that's ok.


Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:26 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Lucy (the girl who gets naked in bathtubs) is much hotter than Belle. Mario who's a beefed up lifeguard type looks like way more of a cool bro than I expected. If not for the Christian angle I could see him in a frat shotgunning beers. Belle's ex is also pretty handsome. She's done well.


Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:13 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Shack wrote:
Lucy (the girl who gets naked in bathtubs) is much hotter than Belle.

^

I didn't remember the bathtubs part, so what was wrong with her again?


Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:19 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Doesn't everyone get naked when taking a bath?


Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:40 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
The bathtub thing viewtopic.php?f=10&t=82128&p=2158987


Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:48 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
You have a fine memory, Shack!


Fri Dec 08, 2017 4:52 am
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Post Re: Second Year of University!
Well he mentioned it when he started this story


Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:38 pm
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